A twist in the tale....

Published stories

2011-10-31T21:28:00.002+05:30

Published online :

1. AMBERVILLE
The most read story in the popular online short story site d.ustb.in till date, this thriller is set in the fictional world of Amberville, where all is not as it seems.

2. PAYBACK
A thriller in the same mould of Amberville. How far would you go for the one you love ?

3. A JUNGLE PARABLE
One of my own personal all-time favourites, this is a tale of animals and how we can learn some of life's greatest lessons from them.

4. A LOVE SO BLIND
A simple tale of how fickle our feelings can be.

5. HEARTSTRINGS
An Urban Shots Silver Winner, this is a story that many loved because they could relate to it... the moment when we declare our true feelings to the one we love.

Published in Paperback :

1. Chicken Soup for the Indian Doctor's Soul

Love so blind...

2010-08-18T20:18:00.000+05:30

She hates him.
She hates him from the bottom of her heart.

For leaving her waiting today at the mall. For the way he constantly ignores her when there's a match on the TV. For the way he stares at the neighbour's wife and comments on her better sense of dressing. For making her give up her job to stay at home and look after the kids. For making fun of her weight gain following the pregnancy even though his own belly has grown since the marriage.

She has had it. And tonight she will confront him on this. She is not his slave that he can treat her anyway he wants. He's not anything great that she should have to sit quietly and bear with all this.. in fact, it's not as if...

Her thought is interrupted by the message tone of her mobile. Annoyed, she glances at this intrusion into her thoughts. It's from him.

"Sorry I couldn't make it today at the mall. Dress up. I'll take you out to our fav restaurant for dinner. Love you always."

She smiles. What a sweetheart he is. She really is blessed to have him in her life. Everyone says so. She loves him for the way he lets her sleep on his lap while he watches the match. How he agrees the neighbour's wife ass is huge and so she needs glamourous dresses to hide her elephant thighs. For giving her two wonderful kids. For being there in the delivery room, holding her hand even though he's scared of hospitals.
She smiles as she gets into the shower and lets the hot water embrace her.

She loves him.
She loves him from the bottom of her heart.

I am participating in the WeBlog's Sleepy Sunday contest! You may read other participating posts HERE

Smile.. it's free

2010-03-25T12:52:00.004+05:30

Ask Uncle Rosho
( Humor )
I think I'd make a great agony uncle... Don't you ?

Youreallywannamarryme.com

( Humor )

This is why I have to make my own matrimonial tests to find the perfect bride.

God is in the fine print
( Humor, God )
A college for those who want to be a God Man

Chinese whispers
( Humor )
What happens when a simple gets passed along from one person to another.

My Majestic strut
( Humor, Real life )
Why do all my attempts to impress girls end up like this ?

Ching chongs and Tootsies
( Humor, Fiction )
How do you suppose crime fighters view our tabloid babes ?

You, me and a cuppa Kappa chips
( Humor, Religion )
I decode the truth behind two of the biggest festivals of our state.

He's got a girlfriend
( Humor, Real life )
Really ? He has a girlfriend and I don't ??

The right man for the job
( Humour, Medical )
It's a proud feeling when your students call, asking you for doubts...isn't it ?

The Unreal me

( Humor )

Who am I ? I'm Superman !!!

That white lady's lost it
( Humour, review )
Review of Simi Garewal's India's Most Desirable show.

The arranged marriage

( Humour )

How times have changed... Remember how the first meeting between boy and girl used to be.

Desh ki dhadkan
( Humor )
How did you react to India's abysmal performance at the Cricket World Cup 2007. As maturely as me, I hope.

What is Big B not telling us ?
( Humor )
I think Big B's being a bad boy...

Silky smooth baldness
( Humor )
Is there a conspiracy in haircare products .. or is it just me ?

The Pig

( School days, Humor )

How do you turn a girl into a pig willingly ?

Inane trivia
( Humor )
Just knowing inane trivia ain't enough. You must know how to utilise it too.

Internet Jokes :
Bush and the Chinese President
Talk about embarrassing that poor bear
Saddam and the Sardar
I am autofellow : Rajnikanth lyrics
Hotel Kerala-fornia
The difference between friendship amongst genders
Gandhi's new monkeys
The Stella Awards : It really happened
Bushisms
Chuck Norris is 'da man'
An awesome inspirational story
Optical illusions

The Congenital gossiper :
We men are never satisfied with what we get, are we ?
Loving Pamela Anderson Style
Himesh Reshammiya and the aliens
Paris Hilton as Mother Theresa ?
The holy trinity... of tabloids

Tabloids a la Godyears :
November
December
January
February

Heart Beats

2010-03-25T12:22:00.010+05:30

To the stranger I love
( Romance )
A letter to someone I love... and have never met till date.

The letter

(Romance )

Another letter to the person you love...

I need you to know, my child

(Unconditional Love)

A letter from a mother to her unborn child.

For a dear friend of mine.

My Sweet Valentine
( Romance, Memories )
Sometimes our past does come back to haunt us.

A memory of sweets
( Romance, Memory )
An ode to the first girl I ever loved.

Son of a greater God
( Father, God )
A tribute to the one I call my God.

Heart strings
( Fiction, Romance )
Saying I love you can be the most memorable day of your life.

What dreams may come
( Fiction, Romance )
How would I be as a father ? I'd like to think I know.
A Blogadda Spicy Saturday winner

The War Maker

A follow up to "What dreams may come". A look into the wonderful ballet of fights within relationships.

Goodbye Pal, Good bye Once more
( Saying goodbye, pets )
Saying goodbye to someone who loved you hurts.. especially when we never got the chance to tell them how we felt.

My bloody jrs

( Tribute )

A tribute to my juniors in pg.

A tribute to a wonderful singer - Natalie Di Luccio

What is inner beauty

Of old dogs and wild hogs
( Pets, Friends )

A cute proposal

( Video )

A cute video of a proposal on the sets of the TV show : Scrubs

How true this love
( Romance, Heartbreak )
The only time I was glad I broke up a couple.

The Namesake
( Memories )
When love fails, life still goes on. But are we the same person we were before ?

Blogger Tissue box
( Blogging, Companionship )
Lending support to a fellow blogger going through a rough time.

I take thee through sickness and health... for granted

( Frustration )

This is not how you treat someone who loves you.

Friends united : Arun & Suman
Friends united : Anees & Ramna
( Romance, Real life )

It's a boyyy !!
( Memories )
Wishing I could be there to share my friend's happiness

Lessons from life...

2010-03-25T02:04:00.002+05:30

Jungle Parable

( Fiction )

Sometimes the best lessons about love and letting go come from the unlikeliest sources.

Chocolate and a bitter pill

( Observations )

If we just slow down and observe all around us, we can see magic all around us.

A few good men

( True story )

Humility is the difference. A Blogadda Spicy Saturday winner.

The woods are calling

( Fable )

The journey through life is similar to one through a forest

Lesson for New Year

( Love )

Sometimes a change of perspective is all we need.

Reliving Life's lessons the easy way

( Observations )

Life's most important messages aren't always in a religious book.

My lucky magic 8 ball

( Observations )

A book that actually had the answers I needed when I was depressed.

Better late than never

( Freedom )

Freeing myself from handcuffs that bound me.

I knew he never used his brains

( Observations )

Gaining respect for a cricketer for an unparalleled selfless deed on the field

Touched by an angel

( Love )

Sometimes all you need is a single friend.

To those who cared

( Friendship )

A thank you to those who carried me when I slipped.

From the Balboasaurus

( Quotes )

An inspirational quote from the Rocky Balboa movie

I actually mean no

( Observations )

Why is it so hard for some of us to say no ?

Yennada Rascalae

( Observations )

What do people have against us South Indians ?

The Unseen observer

2010-03-25T01:48:00.006+05:30

Frustration :

Live free or die hard

( Based on the "pub beating" incident in Mangalore, 2009 )

The right to die
The Aruna Shanbaug case for euthanasia

Head held under water

( Being held prisoners by fanatics. Mangalore, 2006 )

Indian whisper

( Based on the infamous Sydney test, 2008 )

Can we just wish her well

( India's reaction to Sania Mirza's wedding to a Pakistani player was despicable )

U.P. Statues
Mayawati's penchant for making her own statues is ridiculous, to say the least.

The rabid dog
It's annoying to watch good people trashed by those with power.

The real inglorious bastards

( Based on the Shah Rukh Khan-Shiv Sena tussle, 2010 )

The Babri verdict - what if

( Too bad they didn't go to a pizza shop for justice... could have saved 60 years. )

The billionth voter

Voting for change

( Why I refuse to vote )

We could use some help, Mr God

Our learning curve

( Based on the Mumbai blasts, 2008 )

Pakistan terrorist attack discrepancies

( Based on the attack on Sri Lankan cricketeres, 2009 )

Our morality - a nice myth

We're sorry, Aishwarya

Crumpled peacock, tattered tiger

( Dispelling some fake myths )

Random observations :

Goosebump moments in movies

Best movie endings ever

Most rewatchable movies list

Most memorable roles of Bollywood actors

Nostradamus prophecies

Archie weds Veronica

Obama's victory - light at the end of the tunnel

Unconditional love

The inner monster

A moment worth preserving

Doc tales

2010-03-24T23:51:00.007+05:30

What is it like being a doctor ?

BEFORE BEING A POST-GRADUATE :

Thanks for the memories

What next, Mr God ?

Superior - inferiority complex

Seller of dreams

( Pre- PG insecurities )

All those shades gone by

( Pre- PG memories of times gone by. )

MEDICAL MEMORIES :

The incident of the forgetful doctor

What happens when a doctor gets forgetful ? You really don't want to know.

Veda Vyasa and the Son of a *****

Be careful while talking to a sir whose class you've been sleeping in.

Barkout at Mens hostel

What happens when two underworld dons fight and we're caught as witnesses ? You'd be surprised.

AS A POST- GRADUATE :

The God complex

Closure

The man behind the mask

My 5 to 1 odds

( Faith, True story )

Based on cases that made us residents question our judgement... and our faith.

The tough guy

Back in the game, Julie

Who's your swami, mommy ?

The age miracle

( Humour )

It's a good thing I know how to deal with my juniors and patients... or not.

Focus

Carry on, my wayward son

Pre-marital shucks

Unsedated

( PG Blues )

Conquering my inner demons

Roshan decides to live

( Random )

Taking a break from work and visiting old friends.

P.S. A pretty looong post.

My Bloody JRs

A video tribute to my junior residents.

3,298 days later... I am M.D.

This is what it's all been for.

The whacky days of my life

2010-03-24T23:34:00.012+05:30

My first published story ( Paperback )
Published in 'Chicken Soup for the Indian Doctor's Soul'

Reviewed by Orkutheroes

( Blowing my own trumpet, Humour )

The rare glowing review for the blog. Autograph, anyone ?

Reviewed by blogger Nilu

Me in the papers !!

( Blowing my own trumpet, Humour )

Would you believe I actually got my name in the newspaper ? And it wasn't for perverted behaviour ???

Modesty, thy name is me

( Blowing my own trumpet, Humour )

I won an award in a caption contest. Luckily, I'm too modest to boast on my stunning achievement.

My stories published in d.ustb.in

Amberville

Payback
Heart Strings - an Urban Shots Silver Winner

Pune Blogger meet

( Event )

The first time I got to meet really talented writers.

My blog reviewed and ripped apart

( Review )

5 years of blogging over

Hometown blues

( Humour )

Coming home after becoming an M.D., everything changes.

My Handwriting analysis

What does my handwriting say about me ?

Please take my money !!

( Am I the only sane one around )

The ordeal of trying to pay to get my online laptop.

Enjoying my parole

( Random post )

What do P.G. residents do when they've got the week off after a hellish 6 month ordeal ?

To Payangadi and back
( Wedding, Real life adventure )
An Indiana Jonesesque adventure

P.S. a pretty long post. Be warned ye who trespass.

Old dogs and Wild Hogs

(Good times)

Time flies by. It's always good to take a break and look back on the days we've spent when we were young.

( Dog days )

Ruby... wonder dog.

Musings of a dazed mind

( Home remedies )

It doesn't matter if you're a doctor when people are trying to cure your cold.

My interview

( Blowing my own trumpet, Humour )

Self- explanatory.

Meeting Preeti Shenoy

( Event )

I was lucky enough to be there for the release of her first book.

Winning Weblog award

( Blowing my own trumpet, Humour )

Self- explanatory.

The art of chilling

Broken bones and fine friends

( Events )

Attending two Fosters "Art of chilling" parties helped me make some nice friends.

Getting an escort

( Humour )

What happens when you need to get a girl real bad and you're as dumb as I am ?

They're out there

( Humour )

Encounter with a weirdo

The Pig

( Humor )

Why would a girl want to be a Pig ?

What's luck got to do with it ?
When we win a lottery, it's luck. But does that extend to real life incidents too ?

God is my witness

(Humour )

Don't you hate it when you can't get a song out of your head ?

Getting swine flu

( Why me )

Self- explanatory, I guess.

Me & Dr House

The butt obsessed post

Docs make the worst patients

Believe in well wishers

( Why me )

Suffering from sacroiliitis

Birthday wishes

( Humour )

My birthday wishes.

My Sins against Stereotypes

( Tag )

Oh.My.God.

2010-03-24T23:05:00.008+05:30

Headbutting with God...

Miracle Worker

( Respect )

A discussion with an atheist on a real life event that appears to have a divine hand.

For want of a moan

(God, Humour )

Yes.. sometimes we ask too much of God.

Friday never ends
( God, Humour )
God has a lot to answer for... starting with that damn "It's Friday" song.
A Blogadda Tangy Tuesday pick.

My God, My prankster

( God, Humour )

What do you do when God is hell-bent on playing pranks on you ?

The God Complex

( Medical tales, God )

A real life event that tested the faith of many of us in God... and his true intentions.

Tetrapack Gods

( Human Gods )

The true flaw of our religion - our willingness to believe in anyone 'claiming' to be God.

Oops ! My karma ran over your dogma, Mr God !

( God, Humour )

Yes, I can drive even the Gods mad.

My Cyberkanni

( Mythology, Humour )

My version of Vishukanni... and Vishu, for that matter.

Spiritual Discrepancies

( Human Gods )

Why do we persist with these fakes ?

The Coconut Climber's blog

( Religious queries )

Based on real life events... and some pertinent questions about faith.

The God insecurity

( Religious queries )

Again, busting myths. Based on another real event that occured.

We could use your help, Mr God
( God, terrorism )
An open letter to God during the terrorist attacks

Seeking God

( Humour )

In today's day and age, what would God have chosen as his profession ?

Tablespoon of sadness & a heap of anger

( Frustration )

Why do we use religion as a diversion to separate people in love ?

Prayers and the Aquarian

( Viewpoint )

How do Aquarians view religion ?

You, me and a cuppa Kappa chips
( Humor, Religion )
Revealing the real truth behind two of our biggest state festivals.

My Sexist God

( Frustration, superstitions )

Is God a sexist or have we made him one ?

Mixed up my orders again

( God, humour )

Even God gets it wrong once in awhile

What's your position ?
( Humour )
Is there a strict religious code for fanatics in bed too ?

The best of Godyears : Fiction

2009-05-31T14:08:00.010+05:30

Romance, Comedy, Horror, Thrillers, Divine tales or just a lesson in life.. choose your poison !!!

Shaktiman and Dirty Ganga

( Comedy )

India's best superhero is coming to save the day... and he ain't coming alone. Soon to be a major action movie. P.S. Funds needed.

Father of my son

( Comedy )

A crystal ball look into what life maybe for me years from now as I tackle two of man's greatest challenges : My kid's first love and an angry missus ! A BlogAdda Spicy Saturday Pick of the Month.

The War Maker
A follow up to "Father of my son". A look into the wonderful ballet of fights within relationships.

The Jungle Parable

( Romance )

Would you be willing to learn one of life's most important lessons from an animal ?

The stranger I love

( Romance )

I've never met you in my life. But I love you.

Heartstrings

( Romance )

The day we tell someone we love how we really feel is always memorable.

Between friends

( Romance )

Two friends discuss their insecurities in love and how to get over them.

May your belief save you
( Superstition )
Too much of blind faith isn't always a good thing.

Final rites

( Romance, Comedy )

A father and son discuss the wonderful woman that links them both.

For want of a moan

( Divine intervention, comedy )

What happens when God gets frustrated with our most annoying and ridiculous prayers ?

Karma vs Dogma

( Divine intervention, comedy )

Sometimes, even Gods have a bad day at the office.

The Christmas Clause

( Comedy )

What would a memo sent by Santa Claus to his worker elves really read ?

Classifiles

( Comedy )

India and Pakistan are forever 'having a dialogue' aimed towards reaching a peaceful settlement. Just what does that mean ? Our investigators find out.

Ask Uncle Rosho

( Comedy )

What would it have been like if I had been allowed to be a Love-guru ? Really awesome, I figure.

Amberville.

( Filmi Noir, Thriller )

What would you do if the girl of your dreams walks into your life one rainy night with a bag full of money ? Welcome to the town of Amberville where nothing is as it seems.

The confession

( Thriller, Amberville )

A murder has occured. A suspect is in custody. What could possibly go wrong ?

Payback

( Filmi Noir, Amberville )

A man seeks out his loved one who's gone missing... but how far will he go for love ?

Guardian Angel

( Filmi noir, Amberville )

It was a routine job. Kill and leave. What could possibly go wrong ?

Last Christmas

( Thriller )

A wife reminisces on the good and bad times of her marriage with her husband. But something's not right.

Chasing August

( Horror )

The key to solving a murder may lie in opening a door to the occult... but would you really be prepared for the answers ?

P.S. This is a pretty long story with 5 chapters.

Starting at 62

( Real-life )

Based on real life facts, can you guess who this old man was who successfully restarted his life from scratch at the ripe age of 62 ?

Signs and Symptoms

( Psychological )

A doctor comes to console his patient who's just tried to commit suicide.

Recall

( 55 word fiction )

Last day on the job

( Thriller )

A terrorist counts down the final moments before a dastardly act...

Knick knacks

2009-04-10T21:51:00.002+05:30

godyears.BLogspot.com

WANTED FOR THE SUPREME SEXIFYING of a PERFECT BLOGGER'S BUTTOCKS

$2100

What's Your Blog Wanted For?

Created by OnePlusYou

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Dating Sites

My awards...

2008-11-27T21:34:00.014+05:30

from The Pink Orchid.

from Bhagirathy...

ORKUTHEROES.COM

NANOWRIMO.org

BLOG OF THE DAY AWARDS

And my blog buddies gave me :

The Lemonade award

The King of Blogger award

The Brilliant Weblog award

The Nice Matters Award

Awarded to roshan

Awarded by
pri
to roshan

Yuvraj 6 Sixes vs England Twenty20 World Cup Match

2008-10-03T19:28:00.001+05:30

Amberville - Chapter one

2008-08-26T19:44:00.004+05:30

The water is like an experienced lover, caressing me gently as I stand still. It soothes me, washing away the pain, the regrets, the sorrow that is my life. It's an elixir after a hard day's work, a balm for all the aches. I would've stayed in the shower all night long, if it weren't for the sound of those frail arms pounding on my door.

I wished them away, this intrusion on my privacy. I knew what it would be. The landlady reminding me rent was due. The young girl from 201 asking me if I’d seen her kitten. Mrs Gladys trying another one of her schemes to get me in her pants. A salesman or a debt collector perhaps. I let the banging continue. Whoever it was would figure I was asleep or stone drunk and just give up and walk away. I decided to let them bang away at the door. They'd give up sooner or later. They all do.

"I know you're in there. Please open up. It's me."
That voice. I knew I was in trouble at that moment.

I stepped out of the shower, wiped myself dry hurriedly and put on some pants. The banging on the door continued. I imagined her reading my name over the door on the other side, with the words 'Investigative Consultant' italicised under it. Fancy title. Doesn't mean shit. Barely pays the bills. But a fancy title, nonetheless. A hell of a lot better than 'Private Detective.'
I opened the door. She stood there, just the same as I'd seen her last. Heck, even the same yellow skirt, if I recall correctly. Her hair was a mess, her eyes red. She's been crying. Her slim hands were wrapped around a travel bag that was obviously too heavy for her.
"What is it, Carla ?"

She rushed in, dropped the bag ,turned and locked the door, her frantic actions reminding me more of a cartoon character running around leaving gusts of smoke as she sped around.
I grabbed her as she finally slowed down to peer out the peephole.
"What the hell is going on, Carla ? "
"They killed Nick."
She broke down, sobbing. That struck me. Not the words per se, but her tears. I'm a sucker for a wet-eyed girl, my mom always used to say. I can’t help it. I can’t stand to see a woman cry. Any woman. And Carla was not just any woman. Involuntarily, my eyes went down to her familiar heaving chest as she sobbed.
"Not now." I chided myself. I focussed on her words instead as she spoke. She and her husband had come back from the movies to find a man ransacking the house. There'd been a gun involved. Nick had been shot. The guy'd come after Carla, but she managed to escape.

"How did you outrun him ?" I asked.
" I didn't. I could see he was gaining on me, so at the turn from Twine street, I just hopped into the alley and hid behind the dumpster. He just ran on past."
"That was smart thinking." I'd have to remember that place. These little things can come in handy in my line of work.
“Oh God. I don't know what to do. Nick's dead and I'm so lost and you're the only one I could think of to turn to in this situation." She once again fell into my arms, sobbing. I smelt her hair, old memories falling into place and sighed. This was gonna get complicated.

Let's me be honest here.
I never liked Nick Pemberton. He was a douche bag. He was rich, snobby, the kind of guy who wore cufflinks and had one of those high class, underfed mice masquerading as dogs. Plus, he stole my gal. He'd met her when he's come by the store she worked in, looking for the new French perfume; the one that smelt like jasmines on marijuana. I don't blame her, really. She's a good girl, my baby, but naive as a newborn puppy. She lived in that dream world where people are all kindred souls and men laugh at your jokes because they’re interested in your mind, not your body. He worked his college degree charms on her and persuaded her into sharing a cup of coffee and cookies during her next coffee break. She wouldn't have dreamt twice of cheating on me, this ol' girl of mine mind you, but times were tough for us back then. I was strugglin' just to make ends meet, working 20 hour shifts to pay the bills and save a bit for the wedding. You do all this and then you come back to a girl who spends all the time in bed, going on and on, telling you about the lifestyles of the rich and the snooty and it gets to you after awhile. The fights grew, my ego intervened whenever sanity tried to force a plea bargain and before you knew it, she needed time to think.

Of course, that silver-spoon-up-his-ass vulture Nick was there, the white knight for the troubled princess. Long story short - they fell in love, got married and lived happily ever after. Weirdly enough, with time, we overcame our differences . It’d be a stretch to say I and Nick became friends though. I tolerated Nick for her sake.. I guess he had the harder role being the husband and watching his wife remain friends with the guy who'd taken her to bed for so many years. Tough luck, asshole.

The detective in me stirred. "Did you see the guy who shot him ?"She shook her head. “It was dark. He had one of those ski masks on. Plus he wore this really heavy coat so I couldn't make out any features." "Are you sure you can't think of anything that can help? Come on. Think harder."
She shook her head again. I let out a huge sigh. She must have figured I was getting frustrated and the tears started again. "Oh Carla. Don't worry. I'm here. I won't let anyone hurt you. Everything's gonna be allright." Everything's gonna be allright!! How lame was that?
She hugged me again, lingering this time a while longer. Old memories stirred within me. Oh man.
I kissed her on the forehead as we parted slowly. We stared at each other. The part of my brain marked sanity was screaming warning bells of disapproval. I needed answers though before this train reached the point of no return.
"Do you have any idea what the killer wanted?" I asked, more to break the moment than anything else.

She looked down at her sandals. Blood stained, I noted. I knew that look. That I've-been-a-bad-girl look. Years ago, I found that a turn on. What can I say? She did that to me. Back then, a lot of what she did turned me on.
"Carla?”
She nodded.
"What is it?" I asked.
In reply, she turned around and walked to the bag she's been carrying around. Dragged it forward and opened it.
I always found it funny how unlike all the other good things in life, money has no smell. It's just paper in the end and yet, it has such a senseless hold over you that no woman's scent could compete with. Any dame thinking otherwise was just kidding herself. Out here in Amberville, dames were yours for a cheap beer and a roof over their head for the night. Money – well, money owned you. And this bag was filled to the brim with it.
An even 20 million, I figured, on a rough estimate.
"You guys were planning on leaving town or something?”
She sniffed. "It's stolen money."
"You guys stole money? You two?!! From who?”
There it was again, that downward gaze at her feet. "Salvatore" she whispered.

I tried to look impassive. Every private dick worth his money should have a straight face, immobile in the presence of revelations. It adds to our aura.
"Let me get this straight" I asked, my voice, calm as ever. "You stole from Salvatore, the head of the city's underworld?”

Damn. Just when you think you know a girl.

The story continues at...
Amberville - The End

Amberville : The End

2008-08-26T19:42:00.003+05:30

“You stole from Salvatore.”
It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. Some would call it a death sentence. You didn’t steal from Salvatore. You didn’t steal from Salvatore’s men. Heck, you didn’t even try stealing from Salvatore’s cook’s Christmas stockings or his son’s lunch box. Salvatore wasn’t a man to mess around with. People who tried to screw with him tended to end up dead here in Amberville. I guess Nick didn’t know the rules out here. Well, experience makes you wise, I guess. It also makes you worm-food, Nick.

“What ? There wasn’t enough cash to buy that overgrown rat of yours golden dog chow ?”
“Pete was a Chihuahua and it wasn’t like that! Nick was going through a rough patch and had tried to curry favours with Salvatore. The don... rejected his help. It.. well..”
“Bruised Nicky’s ego? And he decided to get even with Salvatore? You’re kidding me right?“ I knew he was a douchebag , but boy.. he was obviously the poster boy for dumbasses too. He’d actually tried to rip off the Don over a silly let down.
“What were you thinking ? You actually went ahead with his madness ? You and I, we’ve lived here all our lives. You know what the Don is like.. what made you think you two could get away with it ? Why didn’t you warn him ?”
“I.. I was kinda... I wanted him to fail. So I’d be free.”
The implications of her words raced through all my senses; my knees threatened to expose my feelings, my heart a wildfire just lit, my mind felt like it was on an acid rush.

“You did it purposely ? You wanted him to fail ? You wanted Nick dead !!”
“You don’t what it was like. I was in hell. I needed a way out. I thought he loved me. But Nick didn’t want a wife. He wanted a trophy to show his friends. I was just a wife in an official capacity... there were so many others sharing his bed. Initially, when I wasn’t around, but later.. it didn’t matter. I had to keep the facade of the happy wife all this time or suffer at his hands. Or worse.. in his bed.”
My blood boiled over as she carried on. This part of Nick I had not known... not anticipated. I had never been the best guy for her- I’d always known that, but I’d always been true to her, always loved her till the end. This scum had tricked her and burned her innocence into the ground – turned her into social bait, offering her as a delectable side dish ; a deal clincher for his business schemes.

“So you set him up ? You goaded him into stealing from Salvatore, knowing full well that Salvatore would go after him. But how were you planning on escaping, Carla? You know he’ll come for you too.”
“I know. That’s why I came to you. I knew I could count on you. You were always the one for me. You always looked after me. I just never realised it till it was too late."
I looked into her eyes. This was real. This was happening right now. The girl I’d dreamed a thousand dreams with years ago was in front of me, a bag full of cash between us, asking me to start dreaming again. We just stared at each other. No words needed to be spoken.

She knew I held a torch for her... I had always been crazy about her. She knew when the shit hit the roof, I’d be there for her. She’d been counting on it. Besides, being a private eye gave me certain advantages. I had contacts with Salvatore’s men. I went to school with his right hand man Delgado. We still kept in touch. Meetings could be arranged, explanations given. I knew Salvatore. He was no Santa Claus, but he couldn’t stand disrespect to women. The Italian in him wouldn’t stand for it. If he knew the reasons for her actions, I’m sure she’d get a second chance. Perverse as it sounded, Salvatore had a strict set of moral values. He’d take the money back, but Carla would live once he saw the truth in her tears.

Her hands grazed the hair over my chest, reminding me that I was standing in just my pants. My fingers brushed away the hair covering her face. She turned to them. Kissed them tenderly. My breath caught, a silent greeting to this familiar lost lover back again in my arms, willing it to last forever. Our lips met, a taste so sweet I felt I would cry. All the memories came rushing back like a pleasant wave; the nights of passion and love making, the feel of her beside me on all those winter nights as she dreamed of our future together, my wandering fingers interrupting her .
Our future together. The time had come. The time was now.

Finally our lips broke free from each other, panting, my left arm hugging her close to me so that I could feel her right next to me. She smiled, her lips brushing my cheeks as they passed by, stopping beside my ears.
“Is that a gun I feel in your pocket or are you just glad to see me ?” she whispered in that tantalising voice.

It wasn’t original, but it was funny, under the circumstances.

The first bullet hit her just below the belly button, shredding her guts. She groaned. I held her tight and pressed the trigger again. The next two shots shook her like a rag doll. I released her, watching her slump down. I sat down beside her, watching her breath go shallow. The cacophony of the evening traffic would no doubt have muffled the gunshots. Besides, out here in Amberville, nobody reported gunshots. People tended to be hard of hearing where familiar sounds were concerned.

I’d like to say she spoke some words of betrayal and moral justice before she died.
But the truth is, Carla just died. Her eyes went glassy, just as her husband’s had when I’d surprised him a couple of hours ago at his home. I sat there awhile, watching her still body bleed over the carpet. Damn. I’d really liked that carpet.

I dialled in the number given to me. The man picked up on the second ring.
“Well ?” Delgado’s voice replied.
“You having a cold ? Your voice sounds like crap, Gad.”
“It’s this weather. Gets me every year. Damn sinuses ache like the devil. Never mind me. How did it go ?”
“Like clockwork. Tell Salvatore they’re both dead. The Pembertons have met with an unfortunate accident , walking in on a robber at their apartment.”
He guffawed at that, the laugh broken by bad wheezes. “You’re the works, you know that ? I gotta tell you. I didn’t think you had it in you to kill the broad, what with all your history an’ all. But you got it in you, man. You’re the real deal. I’ll make sure to put in a good word for you with Salvatore.”
“Thanks, Gad.”
“Hey, did you find the loot they took off the big guy ?”
“Sadly, no. I searched their place inside out, but I couldn’t find it. Knowing that bastard Nick, he’s probably transferred it to a dozen bank accounts all over the country by now.”
“Darn true, man. These days, anything’s possible. Damn internet. Makes everything so complicated. Never mind, though. It was just small change for the Don. It was just the principle of the matter, you know.”
“I know, Gad. I know. Can’t have people messing with the Don.”
“Darn tootin’ right, we can’t. Anyway, you did good tonight man. Now get rid of the bodies and go get yourself some sleep. You earned it. You want me to send you a broad to your place ?”
“I told you earlier , Gad, I don’t fancy your sister. She and I are just good friends.”
“You bastard” he said, but his voice was cracking between laughs and wheezes.
“Get something for that cold, will you?” I advised him. “You sound like shit.”
“I will, man. I will. You take care now. And hey, give my regards to your momma for me.”
“Will do, Gads. Bye.”
“Bye, pal.”

I undressed and headed for the shower. The déjà-vu hit me as the first drops of water caress my skin. It’s an essential elixir after a hard day's work, a balm for all the pain, the regrets, the sorrow that was my life. It’s a sensual goddess teasing me, touching me where I needed to be touched, telling me what I needed to hear...washing away my sins. I thought of the bag of money in the living room. There’d be plenty of time to hide it. First, I had to get rid of Nick and Carla’s bodies where nobody would find them. I knew a couple of places. These things come in handy in my line of work.
Oh, yeah. And I needed a new carpet.

Damn.

I’d really liked that carpet.

THE END

Author’s note : To anyone wondering, this theme of a town with altered morals is inspired by Frank Miller’s brilliant version of the same in Sin City. Personally, I loved the way all his characters and stories were related to each other by just a brief moment of intersection, mostly over a beer... and a pole dancer called Nancy. How every character was flawed... and thus human. How you never knew what to expect as you turned the page.
In this town called Amberville, which in the end is only as fictional as you imagine it to be, that’s what I was trying to recreate.

Hopefully, I’ve succeeded too.

Tagged again....

2008-04-10T22:35:00.002+05:30

1. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER
"Race" . Very smartly written movie, well executed. If only people would give more money to the script writers rather than splashing 1.5 crores for a silly song.

2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
None presently. I am however, slowly , "reading" the audiobook of Dean Koontz's Brother Odd, which so far is really hilarious. I just love the simplicity of his style. It's funny people actuaally classify him as a horror story author.

3. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
Chess, Monopoly.

4. FAVORITE MAGAZINE?
Readers Digest.

5. FAVORITE SMELLS?
A good female perfume... naturally, on a female :)

6. FAVORITE SOUND?
Laughter.

7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
Being alone.

8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE?
"Another 24 hours duty day"

9. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
Dorabjee's in Pune.. actually, I don't know a lot of places here, so options are quite limited.

10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?
Nisha.. somehow that name seems so cute. Sakina too has its appeal.

11. FINISH THIS STATEMENT. "IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY I'D...?
Invest it for the future... I'm really in a invstment spree righht now, thats why.

12. DO YOU DRIVE FAST?
Nope, I'm the slow and steadyy guy who everyone rushes past.

13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
Nope.. but that's only because the stuffed animals demand money to sleep with me.

14. STORMS-COOL OR SCARY?
Awesome.. love that blowing wind.

15. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
Don't have one yet.

16. FAVORITE DRINKS
I'm not picky.. strawberry shakes to Mallya's finest.

17. FINISH THIS STATEMENT, "IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD .....
catch up with old friends, seek love, travel.

18. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI?
Yes. I eqat anything that doesn't bite.

19. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?
Burgundy.. it used to look cool on my batch mate ( she )

20. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN.
Dubai, Kannur, Mangalore, Pune.

21. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Soccer, Cricket.

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU.
Smart.

23. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
My luggage.. all the things I left from Kannur with.

24. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN?
No.

25. MORNING PERSON, OR NIGHT OWL?
Both. I'm definitely not scared of the night since I'm used to be8ing awake at odd hours and walking dark and lonely corridors.

26. OVER EASY, OR SUNNY SIDE UP?
Sunny Side Up

27. FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX?
A Lounge with friends

28. FAVORITE PIE?
Not picky again.

29. FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Strawberry, Mango alphanso.

30. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU TAGGED THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?
I haven't tagged anyne.. whoever wishes to do it is free to do so.. just tell me in the comments column so I can come read.

Oops ! My karma ran over your dogma, Mr God !!

2007-03-01T15:50:00.000+05:30

Location - My bedroom
Time - 03:00 am

I don't usually sleep with the windows open. It's not just the mosquitoes. There's also the whole "Bram Stoker's Dracula biting me" neurosis ever since I saw the movie as a kid. Which probably explains the 2 metre scarf and iron neck belt I wear while going to sleep.. I hope that's the reason anyway. Psychology is a tricky thing.
Anyway, I know the windows are closed and the doors are locked too ( don't even get me started on that one !! Hello! Bates motel ? ) and yet, I felt the presence of something in the room.. something sinister enough to awaken me. I opened my eyes and squinted as the bright light in the room hit me. A blurry figure in white floated above my bed. Don't get me wrong. It wasn't blurry because it was a ghost ( atleast I didn't think it was ). I just have astigmatism. The figure seemed to gesture to my right with what I imagined was it's limb, motioning me to put on my spectacles. I decided he / it had a point and did so.

Lo ! And behold ! The room was illuminated solely by this floating man's surrounding aura. The first thing I noticed about him was that he was tall ( then again, when you're lyimg in bed, everyone seems taller, but no, he really WAS tall. ) He had on a white flowing robe which matched in many ways, his shiny white beard. The wrinkles and crows feet in his face all painted a portrait of extreme serenity.. or bad botox. Enlightenment hit me as I realised who this was.

"Are you.."
"Yes, my child. I am God."
"Oh."
"You seem disappointed, my child."
"Well, I thought you were Dumbledore. Harry Potter could reaaally use you right about now and I just figured maybe you'd somehow escaped.."
"Child, child. Rest assured, I am not Dumbledore. I am the kindly Lord who has come to ease your pain."
"You now what's weird. How come you're dressed like this ? I mean, the God I pray to.. Gods actually, well, they usually have more arms and shiny crowns and..."
"My child, I can take any form you can imagine. My true form is too vast for mankind to view so I often resort to these .."
"Any form I can imagine ?? Really ?"
"Why, yes, child. "
"Cool. Hold on a sec."
I closed my eyes and pondered, then exhaled and opened them again.
"Wow !! You're right. "
"WHAT THE ??? "
I had made a slight alteration, of course. The ghostly-Dumbledore-lookalike now resembled a big proud chicken with just his face left behind in human form. The red rooster mohawk on his head was a nice touch, even if I say so myself. It brought more colour to his personality, I felt.
"You're right man. You can take any form I can imagine. Cool.. you must be a hoot at parties, huh ? Lemme try again."
"NO. WAIT !!!"
I blinked. A talking mug. A lion in a pink tutu. Elvis with a beard. Gandhi on roller blades. Theresa with nun-chucks ( "nun"-chucks.Get it ? Hyuk. Hyuk. I'm a riot when I get punny. )
"STOP IT!!! STOP IT !!!STOP IT!!! STTTOP IT !!!"
Picking up that he may not be having the same amount of fun as I was, I stopped blinking. He took the opportunity to go back to his original form. Boring.
"WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU ??"
"You said you could take any form.."
"Yes. But you are in the presence of God. Show more respect, will you ?"
"Okay."
"GOOD. SHOW SOME RESPECT, SOME AWE, SOME WONDERMENT, SOME.."
"So, like, wassup, man ?"
The figure turned his head away. I could have sworn before any judge I heard him sniff, but then again, I'd love to see the judge reach this far in the trial. The Dumbledore-God-Gandhi-nun turned back to me.
"You are among the blessed chosen ones, my child. You have been chosen to be whisked away from this land before the end of the world begins and stay beside me in the most desired land."
"Vegas ?"
"HEAVEN !!!!"
"Oh. Right. Missed that one."
"Very few will survive what is coming. It is thus imperitive that.."
"Do you have a brochure ?"
"Huh ?"
"You know, a brochure ? What's the main attractions in heaven ? Tourist spots ? Spas ? Massages ?"
"Uh..no. I never thought of that, actually."
"Hmm.. really ? So anyway, run it by me from memory. How many luxury hotels are we talking here ? Babes per man ratio ? Wine and vodka ?"
"Umm.. there are no hotels. In heaven, it's all open air. We live in the clouds, you see. And unlike on Earth, in heaven, we DO respect women so we do not just do a babes per man count ? As for wine and vodka, well.. there are grapes and mashed potatoes."
"Lemme get this straight. No multiple babes, no villas, open air beds and grapes ?"
"Yes, my child. "
"What about monuments ?"
" Um.. well there's St Peter's pearly gates, Atlantis, Indraprastha.. choose your religion."
"Right. A gate, a palace and water logged roads...sounds like home. What about precious jewels ? you now? diamonds, gold, stones..?
"Oooh. I have Moses stone from the 10 Commandments incident. That's priceless."
" Ooooookay. You know what ? I think I'll have to get back to you on that one so if you'd just leave your number.."
"WHAT ??"
"You have a visiting card ? a 1-800-BIG-DADDY number or something ? e-mail ?"
"THIS IS RIDICULOUS !! I'M OFFERING YOU HEAVEN !! THE REAL DEAL !"
"Ya, well, I think I'll stay back here awhile. I really just wanna see how THE BOLD & THE BEAUTIFUL really ends. I'll call you when I'm done, ok ?"
"ENOUGH !!! THE WILL OF GOD MUST BE DONE !!"

I blinked. Actually, I didn't. Don't get me wrong, my eyes did the 'shut and open' routine, but I had the distinct feeling this was against my will. I looked at Dumbledore-Lion-mug. Oh Boy. Slight change of costume. Not good.
Gone were the Tide-Ariel whites and the shiny beard. Gone were the wrinkles. Heck, even the eyes had changed. Standing before me was a huge metallic robot with wires streaming off his back, more alive than mechanical. His face had turned part flesh, part metallic. I got the feeling this guy didn't have a keen sense of humor. Not that the first dude was Ray Romano or Jerry Seinfeld, by any stretch of the imagination.
"Weren't you one of the original TRANSFORMERS ?"
It's hard to tell emotions in a robot. The slight trembling along the fleshy part of the lips - that was the give-away. I think he was mumbling. I think he was praying.
"Are you bluetooth enabled ?" In my defence, I was genuinely curious.
"SHUT UP, EARTHLING. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED INTO THE PROGRAM. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE."
Good God. "Are you from Microsoft ? Is this about the fake Windows '98 cd I'm using ?" They must have been serious about that whole 'buy Original Windows' ad.
"RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. WE ARE THE BORG."
"The Swedish guy ? You don't look a lot like.."
" WE ARE THE BORG. WE WILL MAKE ALL HUMANITY ONE WITH US, THEN RULE EARTH. PREPARE TO BE ASSIMILATED."

To be frank, I had no idea what assimilated meant, but I had a feeling it didn't include breakfast in bed. Sadly, whatever this thing was, he still had some of those superpowers left because I found myself unable to move despite repeated commands to my body. Then again, I had cocooned myself in my blanket so maybe that was it. Either way, the robot-Swede-God advanced closer. Those tentacle-wire thingys shot out and struck at me. Weird. They were merging with my mind through my body. If you think body searches in airports are an invasion of privacy, you really should try this. If only she were a 22 year old Swede nurse.. sigh. Anyway, the Borgy spoke.
"CONTACT WITH HUMAN ESTABLISHED. CONNECTING TO MAIN BORG NETWORK." This just had to be those pesky Microsoft guys. If I get out of this alive, no more illegal software cracks for me.
"CONNECTED TO MAINFRAME. INITIATING ASSIMILATION."
Oh well. It was a fun life while it lasted. Who knows, maybe being this robot's bitch wouldn't be all bad..no more ..Hey!! Why is there a tear in his eye ?
"Dude. You ok ?"
"ERROR !! ERROR !! ABORT !! STUPIDITY LEVELS TOO HIGH !! CORRUPTING HARD DRIVE !! ABORT ASSIMILATION ! SUBJECT IS LEVEL IGNORAMUS TIMES MORON. ABORT MISSION. ABORT MISSION. ABORRRRRRT MISSSSSSSIOOOOOON !!!!!!!"

Poof.

Ya, I know. You were expecting a blast. So was I. But all I heard was a poof. He was gone. The room was illuminated in light, but that was from the morning shadows seeping in from the windows. The closed windows.
Banging. Ah yes !! He must have gone out to pee. I got up and walked to the door and opened it. My mom stood outside.
"Wake up!!! It's time to go. We have to be at the temple by 6am."
"Oh Mom. Do I have to ?"
"Yes, we decided this a long time back. Now go bath quickly. God is waiting." She turned, clicked her Hitler boots and stomped off.
"Why do I get the feeling God is a 'tad' tired of waiting ?" I said as I went in to take my bath.

Prologue :
Location - The Great Lounge in the Sky, Heaven
Time - 6 am

"Guys, guess who's just back from Roshan's place ?" the bartender said to the two customers who'd just walked in, his eyes pointing to the third table. The two of them followed his gaze and came to rest on the lone figure sitting in the corner."
"Hee Hee. Get our order over there, will ya, Big Guy ?"
"Sure thing. You guys go console him."
The two of them walked upto the dark corner and stood before the forlorn figure." Hey, man. Want some company ?"
The old man in the pearly white costume looked up. "The horror. The horror. " was all he muttered.
"I know. I know. It's been a rough day, hasn't it ? We heard you got Roshan. What did you do to deserve that ?"
"I fell asleep while JC was teaching about the merits of the 7th Commandment."
"Ah!!"
"My God !! Is it possible that we can create such stupidity ?"
"It's a glitch in the system, Saint Angelo VII. You must remember, he was created at a time when Microsoft didn't yet exist. Till we made the deal with Gates, the earlier prototypes were mostly hand made. Errors were inevitable."
"But still.."
"Dude. Listen, you just got him as as a punishment. The two of us, we have him in our religion. Can you imagine how that sucks? I mean, I have four arms, a mace and a discus - Ol' Violet here has a trident and a snake and we still barely hold on to our sanity while he's awake. And he always escapes with that damn 'apology at the end of the day' clause. We're forced to forgive his sins and overlook his errors. I swear, man..."
The second guy spoke up now." I swear, the number of times I just wanted to resign from the Holy Trinity because of that moron. But nooooooo.. turns out it's a life long job. Talk about not reading the fine print."
"The only one having a good time from all this, of course is our shrink.. man, he's just rakin in the goody points."
"I can imagine" Saint Angelo VII said. He made a mental note to ask them for the shrink's number later.
A voice boomed out from the door to the Lounge. "Hey Hey hey ! How's it going, you all ?"
The other two turned to him and smiled. "Hey, Al ! Where ya been ? Ol Angelo here just saw the future of mankind. He's pretty scared right now "
"What say, bro ? You're still shakin, man. What'd Jc do ? Give you Rosh ?"
"Yup.."
"Oooh nasty. I guess that'll teach you to doze in class, eh ? Hey, bartender, the usual."
"Comin up, big Al"
Angelo looked at them. "He made me into a chicken.. a chicken,dammit !!"
"That's cool. Zeus became a big juicy banana, I recall. He still shudders when he sees a monkey on Animal PLanet... and what about Hippocrates, he's still crying for letting this guy into the medical field on a bet"
" I tried scaring him by changing into that robot species, Borg, from Star Trek. After all, the main idea was to add him to the eternal light right ?"
" Your idea was right, but not with it, man. For that guy, you need a special decontamination containment unit, you can't just add him with the rest of the .. hey, there's my order.Thanx, big guy. "
The violet God turned and his third eye opened up. "Hey !! We ordered before him !! Where's our fries and Mc Burger ?"
Big Al laughed. "Here you go, S" He playfully threw the bun at S, who ducked ensuring it landed on his partner's conch.
"Oh man !! I just got that polished this morning. Do you know how much it cost me ?"
"Hey bro. He ducked. I ain't paying for that. "
"Oh yeah !! Well, then here, have some of this ketchup." he said, throwing the open bottle, which multiplied exponentially into 64 bottles as it flew in the air. Al ducked and the ketchup found its way to St Peters who was sitting in the next table."
"Oh come on. All I wanted was a health snack in my break and now look what you did."
S pointed at Al. 'He started it. " "Oh yeah !!" St Peter retorted, lifting the salad bowl..
"FOOD FIGHT !!!!" screamed the Moon God who'd just entered on a break. He needn't have bothered. Everyone was too busy participating to actually wait for the announcement.

The bartender watched them all, as he cleared the dishes, then sighed. " Great. Time to get the new dishes. Man, they sure love to fight. These Gods must be crazy !!! "
" Bartender !! There's a fly in my soup again !! " He heard 'em yell. Sigh. A God's work was never done.

Inane trivia & How to use it...

2007-02-28T02:47:00.000+05:30

It's tough being a general knowledge freak. You get loads of ridiculous information amongst the few gems which you can actually use in life.. stuff which has no practical use in life and you just try to work into conversation to act smart ( Why, Yes, honey. I am from Kerala where the main language is Malayalam, umm..just like English is for England... speaking of which DID YOU KNOW that the longest word in the English language is Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.. honey ? umm, hon ? Hello ? )

But you know what ? I disagree. Every fact, no matter how insignificant, has some relevance somewhere, right ? I figured I'd try to bring more colour to these dreary facts of life so that you can use 'em .. you know, just to show the rest of the gang who's the 'real smart dude / dudette'. Or the real geek.
N.B. While there a million other irrelevant data waiting to be swallowed up, I've only hunted and added ones I knew before I started this post.

So adopt a nice nasal kiddy voice and whine along with me...

DID YOU KNOW the song - Happy birthday to you - is under copyright & the copyright runs out in 2010. ( Consider that on an average, 9 million people have their birthdays on any given day.. doncha think you should be at that auction bidding for the rights in 2010 now )
DID YOU KNOW the ghosts in Pac-Man are named Inky, Blinky, Pinky, and Clyde. ( God save me, I knew this one. Incidentally, If you can work this into a conversation, you're sure to get the girl. Provided she's punch drunk and doesn't speak English )
DID YOU KNOW Marilyn Monroe had six toes. ( funny, isn't it ? Most of you guys would have stared / ogled / drooled over her pics, yet noone noticed her toes . Just what were you looking at, you horny goats ?? )

DID YOU KNOW that when you break down love, it's all just about dopamine, adrenaline and serotonin ( Ain't you all glad I don't work for Hallmark greetings ? )
DID YOU KNOW If you are "a universal donor" , you have ...( fill in the blanks ) **answer at end of this section
DID YOU KNOW hair, prompted by testosterone, grows faster in men in anticipation of sex. ( which probably explains why most married men are bald, huh ? )
DID YOU KNOW every time you sneeze some of your brain cells die. ( Hahaha.. Now let me see you giggle away the sniffles. )
DID YOU KNOW The two highest IQ's ever recorded (on a standard test) both belong to women. ( Hmmmph... Well, sure, but could they cook ? )
DID YOU KNOW The vocabulary of the average person consists of 5,000 to 6,000 words. ( of course, when you ask the guy for the first time if he loves you, the average vocabulary is 4 words - "gulp .umm.. uhh...huh ?" / I donta speak engalish / what was the question again / I gotta go " ..thats 16 words divided by the main four options equals...4. Ramanujan, eat my shorts. )
** [ "Blood Group O" is the right answer, "herpes" the most popular ]

DID YOU KNOW a South African monkey was once awarded a medal and promoted to the rank of corporal during World War I. ( hence the tradition in India where we elect chimps and apes into Parliament. Damn you Gandhi for your South African bred ideas. )
DID YOU KNOW Mexican jumping beans jump because of a moth larva inside the bean. ( Of course, they do the Macarena because they still believe it's cool. )
DID YOU KNOW India has a Bill of Rights for cows. ( Is anyone really surprised at that ? )

DID YOU KNOW that Nagoya tebasaki is an unusual ice cream - Japanese chicken wing ice cream. Of course you can wash it down with 'Calpis water' - that's chilled cow urine. ( Umm... I'm on a diet but you guys go right ahead. )
DID YOU KNOW The world's costliest coffee is made from the droppings of a type of marsupial that eats only the very best coffee beans. Plantation workers track them and scoop their precious poop. ( suddenly that cheap 3 rupee coffee seems so nice..)
DID YOU KNOW the dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle. ( Do not try the "you've got a cute tittle, gal" line.. there is no documented episode of it ending well. )
DID YOU KNOW Squids can commit suicide by eating their own tentacles. ( I said TENTACLES, you nimwit, not TESTI.. aww, what's the point ? Once a perv, always a perv )
DID YOU KNOW that the electric chair was invented by a dentist. ( the electric chair and the dentist's chair - another perfect example of the phrase "between the devil and the deep sea" )

DID YOU KNOW that octopus balls lie in their head ? ( Which means if you see them scratching their head, they're not puzzled, just.. itchy down there. )
DID YOU KNOW Porcupines float in water!. ( Nevertheless, they do not make nice life rafts..how do I know ? shut up and pass me the tweezer )
DID YOU KNOW that sea horses are the only males that become pregnant ? ( They are also exclusively monogamous, but I don't think they do the dishes and squeeze the toothpaste from back to front, so guys, we're safe. For now. )
DID YOU KNOW the male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ( cheer them, respect them, adore them, but please - leave the stunts to them. WOMEN, please do not try this at home. )
DID YOU KNOW Snails mate only once in their lifetime, but it can take up to 12 hours. ( It has to be the Xtra Long Lasting condoms they use, right ? )

Hopefully, all these articles will make people look upto you in a crowd once you work it into conversation.. either that or you'll have a lot of free arm space while having your lunch in the cafeteria.. hmmm.

Now that's what I call a win-win situation !!

Being tagged - 2

2007-02-24T03:21:00.000+05:30

3 things you should know about the no. 3
1.The number of times I sang on stage. ( 2 disqualifications in group songs and a first prize in besurdas.. yo maaan )
2. The number of consecutive months it takes to finish all the birthdays in my family.
3.The number of dogs at home right now, me excluded.
3 things that scare me:
1.Any cheap horror film..even the Ramsay brother productions!!!
2.Fearless cockroaches who walk menacingly towards you even when you go "BAAAAA!!! OOGA OOGGGA !!! "
3.The fear of Death of loved ones..
3 people who make me laugh:
1.My friend, Vijay ( one of the nicest guys in my batch.. can't understand why the girls used to be scared of him )
2.My dog, Ruby ( who knows I'm subordinate to my dad so doesn't listen to a word I say, but goes all coy around my dad!!! )
3.Zach Braff ( J.D. from the serial SCRUBS )
3 things I love:
1.My family
2.Being in love
3.Food
3 things I hate:
1.Being cheated.
2.Being in love.
3.Hurting animals
3 things I don't understand:
1.How a Tv works
2.How I get myself into such ridiculous situations
3.How Ayesha Takia ( my crush of the month ) can love someone else !!!
3 things on my desk:
1.Medical books at the bottom
2. Novels on top of the above mentioned pile
3.My mobile
3 things I'm doing right now:
1.Uploading my first video into youtube
2.Downloading via Bitcomet
3.Wondering what life in Pune will be like !!
3 things I want to do before I die:
1.Visit Italy
2. Find out for sure if aliens exist
3. Find true love.
3 things I can do:
1.Bear a lot of crap !!!
2.Score more marks than I deserve consistently.
3.Read a novel end to end at a go.
3 things you should never listen to:
1.Godmen ( Ok, so I'm bitchy. C' mon, I earned the right !!! )
2.Fanatics ( they have a way of drawing you into their level of stupidity )
3.My heart ( distinction here - MY heart, not yours.. )
3 things I'd like to learn:
1.Malayalam .. lol
2.To stop believeing people blindly.
3.Anasthesia in the coming 3 years..
3 fav. foods:
1.Chinese
2.Indian
3.ROTW ( Rest of the world )
3 beverages I drink regularly:
1.Coffee
2.Appy Fizz
3.Twists
3 TV shows/Books I watched/read as a kid:
1.The Wonder Years ( awesome serial. )
2.The Three Investigators ( books )
3. Charles in charge. ( cute comedy )
3 people I tag:
1.Nags
2.Shammu
3.P S

Nostradumus : Telling Names

2007-02-18T00:12:00.000+05:30

Besides this, there are so many predictions of things that eventually took place. Surprisingly, Nostradamus didn't always use anagrams, sometimes opting for using the real name itself, even of places that had yet to be discovered and people yet to be born.

Louis Pasteur
The lost thing is found, hidden for so many centuries,
Pasteur will be honored as a demigod
This happens when the moon completes her great cycle,
He will be dishonored by other winds.
This quatrain predicts the discovery of Pasteur. Louis Pasteur was the scientist who discovered the existence of microscopic germs. Critics often accused Pasteur of doctoring his results ( dishonored by other winds. )

Charles De Gaulle
Hercules King of Rome and of Annemark,
Three times one surnamed de Gaulle will lead,
Italy and the one of St Mark to tremble,
First monarch, renowned above all (Century 9, Quatrain 33)
Charles de Gaulle was a leader of France three times - first as leader of the Free French Forces, then as prime minister of the provisional post WWII government, then as the first president of the French Fifth Republic.

Francisco Franco
From Castille, Franco will bring out the assembly,
The ambassador will not agree and cause a schism:
The people of Rivera will be in the crowd,
And they will refuse entry into the Gulf (Century 9, Quatrain 16)
Spanish dictator Francisco Franco and his predecessor, Primo de Rivera (the people of Rivera), are mentioned outright. In 1936, the Republican government had Franco exiled to the Canary Islands (and they will refuse entry into the gulf.)

The London Fire of '66
The blood of the just will be demanded of London,
Burnt by the fire in the year 66 (Century 2; Quatrain 51)
On 2nd September 1666, the destruction of medieval London began with one simple spark. In five days a cataclysmic fire destroyed the city of Shakespeare. Some people see the blood of the just as it was translated from the French to mean that justice was done to the plague. This fire did the city a great service by destroying the millions of rats that were carrying the Black plague through the city's population. This is one of the rare occasions where Nostradamus actually got the number right too, incidentally !

Nostradamus : Prophecies Fulfilled

2007-02-17T23:36:00.000+05:30

Before going into the predictions to come, I would like to sketch a few of these Quatrains to you that were dubbed "vague" by scoffers.

Princess Diana
"The last son of the man with the Prophet’s name
Will bring Diana to her day of rest. "(Century 2, Quatrain 28)
Fact : Princess Diana was no longer with Prince Charles at the time of her death. She was with Dodi al-Fayed, the owner of Harrod’s department store. His father's name : Mohammed.

Space Shuttle Challenger
From the human flock nine will be sent away,
Separated from control and advice
Their fate will be sealed on departure
K-Th-L make a error; the dead banished (Century 1, Quatrain 81)
Fact : One thing that many have observed is how Nostradamus almost never got numbers and dates accurate. Whether it was a genuine flaw in him or an intentional act to allow the future to take its natural course, is open for debate. At any rate, aboard the Space shuttle Challenger ( Jan 28, 1986 ), there were only 7 members. Following its crash shortly after take off, videos revealed flames escaping while it was still in the launching pad , thus sealing 'their fate on departure'. K-Th-L ? Recall if you will Nostradamus penchant for anagrams and coincidental wordplay. Consider the various possibilites of letters he could have chosen. Then consider that the company that manufactured the defective rocket engine was THioKoL ( leaving the vowels out )

Henry II
The young lion will overcome the older one,
On the field of combat in a single battle;
He will pierce his eyes through a golden cage,
Two wounds made one, then he dies a cruel death. (Century 1, Quatrain 35)
In June 1559, Henry II ignored all warnings that Nostradamus gave him and participated in a jousting tournament against the Comte de Montgomery. Both men used shields embossed with lions. Montgomery was six years younger than Henry. During the final bout of fighting in the tournament, Montgomery failed to lower his lance in time. It shattered, sending a large splinter through the king’s gilded visor (golden cage). The result was two moral wounds (two wounds made one and then he will die a cruel death.) One splinter spliced eye; the other impaled his temple just behind the eye. Both splinters from the lance penetrated his brain. Henry lived for ten days in agony, thus fulfilling the Nostradamus prophecy that he would die a cruel death.

Robert Kennedy and John F. Kennedy.
The ancient work will be accomplished,
And from the roof evil ruin will fall on the great man:
They will accuse an innocent, being dead, of the deed:
The guilty one is hidden in the misty copse. (Century 6, Quatrain 37)
The “ancient work” part of the quatrain has been interpreted as being the work of a secret society or the Freemasons (an organization descended from the Knights of Templar.) The “from the roof” phrase implies that the fatal shot came from somewhere other than Oswald's direction. Oswald is “ the innocent, being dead, of the deed” who was a “dead man” set up by the FBI as the killer for the assassination. The misty copse refers to the infamous grassy knoll where some witnesses say they saw a sniper shoot at the President .

The great man will be struck down in the day by a thunderbolt,
The evil deed predicted by the bearer of a petition:
According to the prediction another falls at night,
Conflict in Reims, London, and pestilence in Tuscany. (Century 1, Quatrain 27)
This quatrain refers to the timing of the assassination. As per his prediction - JFK was shot in the day, at 12 noon, and his brother Robert Kennedy was shot at night, at 1 am. That year there were student riots in London and Paris (conflicts in Reims and London. ) There was also a big flood in Florence in 1968 that prompted fears of pestilence.

At times, Nostradamus was confident enough that noone would seek his words that he even used the real names of people.

Nostradamus : The Present

2007-02-17T23:26:00.001+05:30

In hindsight, when you read these stanzas , a lot will seem so obvious. But then, hindsight has always got 20/ 20 vision.

In the year 1999, in the seventh month,
from the sky will come the great King of Terror,
bringing back to life the great King of the Mongols.
Before and after, Mars to reign by good fortune.
Perhaps it was just another example of Nostradamus being off with the date. I say perhaps, because of the alternative - remember how Nostradamus often wrote in anagrams ? Now look at 1999 as a numeric anagram. If we reverse the order of the “1”s and “9”s, we arrive at 9111 or 9-11-1 (the date of the 9-11 attacks). Coincidence ? More astonishingly, consider this. What on Earth was this guy imagining back then when he suggested "from the sky will come the great King of terror" that could possibly be deemed a hoax by skeptics ?
Even more frightening is the following quatrain.

At forty-five degrees, the sky will burn,
Fire approaches the great new city,
Immediately a huge, scattered flame leaps up
When they want to have verification from the Norman (Century 5 Quatrain 97)
Take forty-five degrees as a latitude. Experts agree this could only be New York ( 40 degrees 5 ). Of all the possibilities that this 15th century physician could think of, speaking of the sky burning ( the Twin towers in their final moments ) is uncanny. The verification from the Norman may be a reference to France’s refusal to support the Iraq War.

Earth-shaking fire from the center of the earth.
will cause the towers around the New City to shake,
Two great rocks for a long time will make war,
And then Arethusa (a ship) will color a new river red. (Century 1, Quatrain 87)
TheNew City, which may be New York City and “the towers” which are an obvious reference to the 9/11 attack of the twin towers are easily understood. The second half is more intruiging. Arethusa is thought to be an anagram for an event / ship that we have yet to see. Is it "Are the USA ?", "Earth USA" or something else we have not deciphered yet ?

The king will want to enter the new city,
Through its enemies they will come to subdue it
Captives liberated to speak and act falsely,
King to be outside, he will keep far from the enemy. (Century 10, Quatrain 49)
As is going on presently - even though Iraq and Afghanistan is 'won', the 'King' or President Bush has no alternative but to stay away.

A great number will be condemned
When the monarchs will be reconciled:
But for one of them such a bad impediment will arise
That they will be joined together but loosely. (Century 2, Quatrain 36)
This describes the downfall or unpopularity of on one of the leaders ( Bushy boy ? ) --as the leader with the impediment (lack of support from his people, joined together, but loosely.)
The quatrain below talks of how World War III may be closer than we think. Its arrival is heralded after the fall of the Republican Party in the United States.

One year before the Italian conflict,
Germans, Gauls, Spaniards for the fort:
The republican schoolhouse will fall,
There, except for a few, they will be choked dead. (Century 2, Quatrain 38.)
The Republican schoolhouse is the U.S. government, presently on its way out. After the Republican government in the United States is voted out of a power, things are set to get nasty. It's interesting to note that 450 years ago, Nostradamus would talk of a Republican group at a time when USA had yet to be formed.

In Quatrain Number 62 in Century 2, Nostradamus speaks possibly about the assassination of President Bush, according to most experts.

Mabus then will soon die, there will come
Of people and beasts a horrible rout:
Then suddenly one will see vengeance,
Hundred, hand, thirst, hunger when the comet will run.

Some scholars of Nostradamus interpret Mabus to mean Mr. Bush. Mabus = Mr Bush ? or eerily enough, via anagrams Usam B ( Osama B ).
Other options - Mabus = osaMA,BUSh ?. Or is it ust an anagram for Musab as in Abu Musab al zaraqawi
The comet ? There are several comets flying by in the next few years. One of them is Comet S-W3 73P, which will be closest to the Earth around May 13, 2006. Another significant connection is that this comet was discovered in 1930 during Hitler’s rise to power.
Usually these predictions take place within a year or two of the original date. Only time will tell.

Nostradamus : The future

2007-02-17T23:23:00.000+05:30

I will not add the future predictions in it's entirity here for many reasons.. mainly so as not to insult certain religions ( if you read the prophecies, you will understand ) but also to avoid the gloom. Sufficed to say, the portrait Nostradamus paints is very dark - with the start of the 3rd World War imminent. He gives great detail not just of which countries will suffer, but also of strategies and alliances that, today, as I write, seem unlikely. But then, I haven't seen the future.

In short, those of you who wish to enjoy Italy, France and Spain, now is the time. Because there may not be a next time. Of course, that's the optimistic part. From then on in, things just get worse with everyone joining in the battle. Somewhere along the line, mass destruction looms for certain nations. I pray, infact, that if it comes to pass, it is a nuke attack. Let it thus be quick and painless. The alternative of the world becoming a battlefield with so many children orphaned in slow progression, so many tortures and slow deaths... dear God, let it be a nuclear attack.

The war promises to be long ( ? 20 years is the general concensus ) and sadly as it ends, we'l have the added bonus of an asteroid hitting the Earth, with horrific results around 2026. This has infact been made more scary by reports from NASA a couple of years ago of a possible asteroid coming a little too close to our orbit in roughly the same year. You can guess what's left after that - 2 of every 3 people will die. We will finally learn to embrace each other. Sadly, the beginning of peace is set to mark the end of the world.

But cheer up - on the bright side, there's talk of ANGELIC OFFSPRINGS ( aliens ? as some suggest, divinity as many hope ) during this end game so yeeeeah!!! We have something to look forward to. I hope I have my camera reel. I can make a fortune on ebay.
So when can we expect the end of the world to begin ? I leave you with his own words -

The year the great seventh number is accomplished,
Appearing at the time of the great games of slaughter:
Not far from the age of the great millennium,
When the dead will come out of their graves. (Century 10, Quatrain 74)
Some say that 7 is 2007, some say its 2070. The third line tends to favour the former though. Thankfully, we have one thing in our favour - Nostradamus has always played around with numbers. Hopefully, its a much later date. Hopefully.

If you want to read up on what Nostradamus saw in the coming years, just go to any search engine and type " Nostradamus ". Be prepared...

3.45

2007-01-30T17:39:00.000+05:30

Salaam-e-Ishq ** 1/2

You have the biggest stars. 3.45. You've got a great theme. You have some lovely music that just dances in your head even after the trailor is gone. 3.45. You have a director who made a tragedy movie like Kal ho Na Ho looks so cool.

So why did you shoot yourself in the foot, Mr Nikhil Advani ?You had it all. Everything suggested this was gonna be a superb story. 3.45. So why was I left praying for it to end midway through the second half ?

Truth be told, I'm being harsh. For any other average director, I'd perhaps applaud, but well, you raised the bar the first time around and I had a lot of expectations. 6 great themes and an original concept by Bollywood standards. 3.45. But before we continue, lets evaluate the stories individually, shall we ?

1. An actress wannabe creates a fake story of a boyfriend to get media attention and get int the public eye. She doesn't bank on a guy actually coming along to fill the role. A deal is struck to help her attain her goal - get enough attention so that Karan Johar will sign her up. But was 'falling in love' part of that deal ? Salman doesn't really act anymore, does he ? He just plays the cool dude part. And well, it suits him, so I'm not complaining. Priyanka looks gorgeous ( see Krisshh for other end of the spectrum ). As for her acting, well, she's as competent as Salman.

2. What would you do if the one you love gets into an accident and forgets ... who you are ??? Personally, its a scary thought and Vidya Balan plays it well. I liked the concept and the main dialogue / solution that John Abraham has.. but honestly, something was missing in this story. The huge gaps before the story arrives again in the narrative didn't help much either.

3. Ayesha Takia has her own problem, of course. She finds out that the guy she loves and is supposed to marry is scared of commitment and is trying to break the marriage. Akshaye Khanna as the manic commit-o-phobe is hilarious, while Ayesha is just such a sweetie pie to look at. Their story was a major bright spot in this movie.

4. The theme of a man bored in his marriage, trying to get out a midlife crisis by dating a younger woman. Well, for me, this was the Death eater of Azkaban. It's sombre tones took the mood away for a large period of time. Which is sad because the principal characters, Anil and especially Juhi give knockout performances. The hottie young girl ( Anjana Sukhani ) is.. well, drooooooooooool. Somewhere, somehow the equation adds up to a minus.

5. A cab driver keeps praying for the girl of his dreams to walk into his taxi. But when she does, she's a foreigner ( Shannon Esra ) who's hunting for Indian boyfriend. Let me tel you from the start - i had no expectations from this story. A comeback Govinda doesn't exactly get me jumpin' with joy. That said I was wrong. For me, this taxi carried the movie. Govind ais absolutely adorable as Raju and his moments with Stephanie (Step-nee ) are hilarious. The girl too is so sweet and natural an actor, its uncanny. I'm sorry guys, but this was my fav story of the 6.

6. A newly wed couple who just can't seem to get the privacy they want to conjugate. Amazingly enough, though their scenes are few, I wouldn't kick out this story. Sohail Khan is actually hilarious in his antics while Isha has no role whatsoever except to lie down...hmmm. Not a bad role actually, now that I think about it.

Initially, you will feel the transitions from one story to another are quite clever. But later, it all starts to slacken - the pace, the effort, everything. Rather than the quick turn to the next story, huge chunks of time are devoted to each segment before slowly moving to the next. As a result, you're not really allowed to feel much for some characters. I guess, the main sufferers are the serious stories of John and Anil. Because you can't connect with their trials and pain, while the comedians just need the small segments to establish themselves, which they all do.

The songs are lovely. I enjoyed them and now even the ones I wasn't an initial fan to are catching on in my head. But it doesn't mask the biggest flaw - 3.45

3.45 - That's how long it took from the moment I sat down till the moment the final credits rolled. That is where the movie committed suicide - the length. You can't help but feel bored as the second half clunks along to it's expected ending. The fact that you know what's gonna happen ensures you're just twiddling your thumbs for a good hour after the popcorn break. And that's sad. Because the final impression you leave with is one of disappointment and dare I say it, a yawn ?

Good effort, just a little bit carried away, Mr Advani. Better luck next time.

G for Good, B for Bad

2007-01-12T15:35:00.000+05:30

GURU ****

"What chemistry". "He acted well, na." "Even she did." "Madhavan should have had a bigger role." "Abhishek was cool, ya."

This is what greets my ears as I leave the hall. I admit I strayed into it totally out of boredom, while waiting for my train. I had no expectations again from this one. And again, for the second time in less than 30 days ( Happy Feet ) I'm proven wrong.

Guru tells you the story of a dreamer working abroad, villager Gurukant Desai ( Abhishek Bachchan ) who gives up his job in Turkey ( the Gulf ... oooh Maya maya) to pursue his own dreams of fame and fortune. He is not averse to marrying for money, coercion and the odd underhanded deals. And that is where I respect the movie the most. The Gray. A color rarely portrayed in Bollywood for heroes. Guru is no hero.. neither is he a villian. But he does bend the law when it suits his needs. The movie chronicles his growing years as he goes from unknown villager to news headlines, through hospitals and courtroom dates.

Aishwarya as his wife, is finally getting it - the art of acting naturally. She does a commendable job here when it mattered most, the ever supportive wife always beside her husband through his good times and bad.

Mithun Chakraborty.. where did Mani Ratnam pick him from ? Either way, it was inspired casting. The once mentor-turned-foe of Guru has a pretty tough role to hold, and he does it with class. Here too, the relationship between them is so unnatually natural - the admiration and respect for each other is evident, even when their views of the world differ.

Madhavan as the journalist taking on Guru in the press is a well etched role till the end, I felt, when they've just made him disappear, a tad abruptly.

Vidya Balan, as Guru's friend during his early struggling days, is left wheel chair bound with MS and finds, when she needs it most, solace with Madhavan. That too, is a story, a bit poorly etched, I felt.

And finally Big B. No, that's no error. He's ready to hold the crown of "Big" Bachchan. After the sad role he had in Dhoom 2 and the snooze fest Umrao Jaan, here he shines and how !! It isn't just the ageing, or the extra weight he added for the role. It isn't the sweet moments he has with Ash which bring a sigh to your lips or the arrogance of the character. It's the maturity he brings to the role ( I can't imagine any of the 3 Khans doing this one ). At times, when his back is turned to the screen as he speaks, I swear, you can almost hear his dad in the voice. And that is no mean feat. Kudos to Mani Rathnam.. that's it. Show 'em how to make movies.

BHAGAM BHAG *

Request : Please, Mr Priyadarshan. Stop. Enough. You're taking old films and remaking them. That's ok. I have no complaints with that. But you're destroying them. And torturing us while you're at it. Bhagam Bhag is a sad attempt at.. I don't know what ? Humor ? Murder mystery ? Reviving Govinda's career ? Whatever it is, it fails on all counts.

So we have Govinda and Akshay Kumar as part of a stage troupe who are sent to London ( ?? ) to perform dances, but end up having to find a new heroine after annoying their previous one. Some silly misunderstandings later and Akshay finds the suicidal Lara Dutta walking down London in a white sari, no less, and gets her to be their heroine in the skit/dance/whatever. Another bang on her head and she regains her ( lost ?) consciousness, revealing she's married to a business man ( Arbaaz Khan ). Hubby and wife walk away. leaving a disillusioned troupe with no heroine. And then they get a call from her that night - a plea for help from her suicidal self. And come to her house to witness her burnt to death. What happens next from drug smugglers to Indian cops in London to taxi drivers on hire to another dead body to Lara's ghostly reappearance to....AAAAH !!!

There is so much potential, yet it is so wasted. I have no commendable words for anyone here.. it isn't worth the effort. But I will sound a warning to comedy directors - the next one who ends the movie with more than 8 main characters chasing each other will personally be lynched by me and my 'bunch of comedians'. And that ain't no laughing matter. Be warned.

Happy Feet ****

2007-01-08T11:40:00.000+05:30

Why was I so reluctant to go watch this movie ? Let's see ? A whole bunch of black and white penguins in a white ice land world ? And the main theme seems to be one of them knows tap dancing ? Not exactly a crowd puller for me.. But then again, that's where animated movies always catch me off guard. More than a decade ago, I was similarly reluctant to go for an animated movie cause I thought the original fable was so boring, how could it be worth watching in cartoon format ? I hadn't reckoned on Robin Williams as the amazing genie in that lovely movie, ALADDIN.

Circa 2006 and the story repeats.

In Antarctica, the Emperor Penguins each find their soul mates via song. Mumble, thus, is a misfit as his lack of vocal skills does not make up for his amazing tap dancing moves. The elders, looking for an excuse to blame for the lack of fish, point an accusing wing at him. Rejected by his own, Mumble goes out to seek the truth. He will not be alone though, as he will soon join a group of Adelie penguins, led by Ramon. Their aim - to find the aliens responsible for the lack of fish in the vicinity. And maybe, just rid the elders of the fear of being different.

The first thing that will strike you - The graphics. A-W-E-S-O-M-E. There is no lesser word for it. I had earlier been critical of Ice Age 2's graphics and icy hill sequences. See this movie and you will realise why. The sheer beauty of the sequences at times will astound you. Another thing that kept nagging away at the back of my head - is this really a movie for kids ? I mean, there are so many tributes to songs of the 80s, 70s and even 60s, the theme shifts very suddenly towards the end from joy to anguish while making a very relevant point, no doubt.. and I doubt if kids really will get most of the jokes.. then again, it's today's kids, so who knows ??

The most important question - will you go out smiling ? You better believe it. Because between Ramon and co's antics, Guru LoveLace, Mumble's tap dancing and all the songs, you just can't help but feel good when you leave the theatre.

I wondered how a star cast of Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman, Elijah Wood, Brittany Murphy, Robin Williams and Hugo Weaving could be roped in to play penguins. Now I know.

Kabul Express***

2006-12-17T12:52:00.000+05:30

A 2 hour movie, set in the desert with no song and dance ? There are no heroes? And it's from Bollywood ? Huh ?

Well, that's why this year has been so effective for Bollywood. They have dared to differ...finally. 2 Indian journalists decide to go to Afghanistan to get an elusive interview with a Taliban member. What they do not expect is to be held hostage by a disillusioned member who wishes to just return home. It is a race against time to reach Pakistan for our 2 Indians and the Afghan driver. Do they make it ? Why do the journalists end up looking to save their kidnapper, rather than give him up on numerous opportunities to the authorities or the blood-baying mobs ? Is there more to the American woman than meets the eye ?

This is a story of relationships - it is a journey not from Kabul to the Pakistan border, but across discriminations. The director has done a laudable effort honestly, not allowing himself to get too preachy while at the same time, getting the messages he wants across to the audience. Salman Shahid as the Talib/ Pakistani trying to get home is simply excellent in his portrayal and will touch your hearts . It is his constant banter with Arshad Warsi that carries this movie along to be honest. Another bunch of actors would have doomed this movie - these two hold it aloft. Arshad has more of less settled into his unique style now and it shows in the ease of his performance and the audience reaction to him.. John Abraham ? Well, it's tough to say but I'm quite sure it was the same facial expression throughout the movie .. and it's annoying to see him get top billing for this ham performance..sigh!
Overall, this is no chick flick..it ain't a date movie and the only chicks around are kababs on skewers. What it is is a well told, short story of a journey of 48 hours and its impact on the lives of 5 people. You do feel sorry, though, seeing Afghanistan. It looks like it could once have been a beautiful country... but then came W-A-R.

Dhoom ***1/2

2006-11-28T20:02:00.000+05:30

"Enjoy the ride.." That's the biggest cliche I guess you'll hear for Dhoom : 2. It was easily one of the most anticipated movie of 2006 Bollywood.. so does it live up to the hype ?

Depends : Can you get it into your head that Bollywood doesn't work on facts alone ? That credibility tends to get stretched in our stories ? You can ? Good. Then, you'll love this cops- and - robbers fest. Very early on, You find yourself saying "Hey ! That's not possible " as the stunts flow in front of your eyes as the world's best robber, A ( Hrithik ) proves his credentials. Enter Abhishek and Uday Chopra, now a cop too, along with a sultry Bipasha to trap him. The loop holes in the story are over ridden by the glamour and 'wow' quotient ( except for Uday Chpra, of course - I doubt if even God can make him fit in this equation !! ) Anyway, A constantly outwits the police trio and then comes across a fellow crook ( Aishwarya, with a better acting performance than any in recent times ) and the duo leave for Brazil for their next heist.. with two very determined police officers behind them ( Uday still determined to marry every girl he sees !! ) . The hunt is on.

This is Hrithik's movie - everyone else pales in comparison. Forget the stunts, forget the dances.. and it's STILL his movie. The best scenes all have him in it - him and Abhishek meeting for the second time in Brazil, him and Aishwarya as they each play a very crafty game. His disguises are really unique - I especially love the disguise he employs to steal a rare diamond in Mumbai. The method in stealing that diamond - well, that's another example of the 'credibility' factor of the movie !!

Abhishek is definitely maturing well, isn't he ? Fine wine ages well, I guess. Bipasha as Shonali and Monali ( don't ask ) is hot - that's it. Aishwarya looks good and not wooden for once. That's a huge difference and it shows. Uday Chopra makes you laugh at times - with him or at him, you decide. Rimii Sen guest stars to ensure there's some continuity.

Somehow, I'm sure , looking at the stunts and the means of escape in this movie, for the director and crew, it looked more realistic on paper. You may feel it too.. but then, this isn't Kurosowa.. this is a 'popcorn and Coke' movie..so get with it already !!

Apna Sapna Money Money

2006-11-15T12:11:00.000+05:30

** 1/2

Review this film ? Let's see.. inhale. exhale. inhale. exhale. deeeeeep breath.

50 crore worth of diamonds due to reach the penniless Don ( Jackie Shroff ) is being carried by hot moll ( Celina ) who to evade capture by a relentless bumbling cop ( Sunil Shetty ), places it in her train compartment partner's ( Ritesh Deshmukh ) bag, not knowing he himself is a con artist evading the Nepali goonda ( Chunky Pandey ) and thus off to meet his chachera bhai (Taplade ) who seeks his help for getting the mohalla ki ladki ( Riya Sen ) against her horny dad's ( Anumpam Kher ) wishes, thus forcing Jackie to seek local help from the Sarkar wannabe ( Rajpal Yadav ) leading to total chaos.

Gasp wheeze wheeze gasp. That's the plot in one line. Oh wait ! Darn it. Koena Mitra helps Talpade get the girl. Damn. Needed 2 lines to tell the story!!

Filled with risque jokes, this maybe seen as 2006's answer to KYA KOOL HAI HUM, i guess, though it falls short on many counts. As is wont in so many Bollywood movies today, the director seems to have lost the last few pages of the script and decided to just do the usual Bollywood comic ending - have everyone chase everyone else till the cops arrive ! How original.

Performances ? The awards in ascending order -

4. Suneil Shetty as the dumb ass cop is quite fun for a change.

3. Rajpal Yadav doing his version of the poor man's Sarkar is hilarious as always.

2. Chunkey Pandey . His Nepali Don role was ridiculously funny. That was unexpected.

1. And the Oscar goes to - Ritesh Deshmukh, of course. This is his movie alone. Such a natural talent for comedy is evident in this film, especially as he changes guises ( and occasionally sex !! )

The girls, you ask ? Well, they're eye candy..and good eye candy too, I must add. From the demure Riya to the sultry Koena to the drop dead horny Celina ( the outfits, MiLord, the outfits ), they do have the audience glued.. Did they say anything ? Ummm.. I don't remember. My eyes were too busy for the ears to get through.

CHASING AUGUST - CHAPTER 1

2006-10-23T18:46:00.001+05:30

2006
Saturday
October 8
10.05 am

"We found someone!!" Inspectors Griffith and Strauss turned where they stood. They watched as the man was brought out.He may have been 50 years old, but the terror in his eyes spoke of 70. "Where was he?" "He was hiding in the basement. He looks to be in shock, Sir." Griffith turned to the man. "Sir, can you understand me?" The man looked around, his face registering everyone, then turning to Griffith. A nod passed through the shivers. Yes. "Sir, what happened here?" The man turned and stared at the house. He shivered in the heat of the morning sun.

14 hours back
8:o5pm
2006
"How much do you think I'll get for selling this house, Carruthers?" Peter asked.
"It isn't for me to tell,Sir."
"Oh,come now. You've been looking after this place ever since the family left this town,what, 18 years back? No modesty with me, man. I trust your judgement."
"Sir,your family has been the owner of this house since a century now. Wouldn't it be wiser to just let things stay that way. Especially given it's history?"
Peter frowned. This house had taken everyone he loved. There would be no escaping that fact when it cam to selling it. He'd have to explain it to ill fortune. His brother, sister, their families - they had been here 10 years back one winter in '97 to see the state of this place before deciding its fate. The house had remained when winter passed. There had never been any sighting ever of his family again.
Peter : What happened here, Carruthers ? Not in '97..in '64? You were the only one who survived, weren't you?
Carruthers : It was a night I would sooner forget, Sir. Your grandfather, Master August, was a good man to me. I was just a young child then, Sir. My father, as you know, worked for Master August. He was a nice man. I was a weak child in those days, forever alternating between hospitals and beds. Yet, he took care of me like I was his own son. He used to call me Alexander, after the ruler of the world,Sir, and tell me stories of how to be strong. You would never imagine it.
Peter : What happened that night ?
Carruthers : I was away that night,looking after Mom. It was what saved me eventually. A madness till then hidden erupted in your Grandfather that night. What provoked him noone ever knew. He went on a killing spree - he killed his wife & your youngest brother,Donald, then yet a small baby no older than young Alice upstairs. He then murdered his closest friend,the Indian Cherian and my own father too was not spared, before turning the knife on himself. All in one night, Sir. The deaths of your brother and sister have just furthered the belief, Sir. "
Peter knew what he was talking about. The story here in the village was of the ghost of his Grandfather August, still hungry for life and blood, still residing in the building now occupied by the Peters and Mr Carruthers. Idle talk. That's all.
There was a knock on the door.

8.17pm
1964
"Who is it?" August called. It was too early for the children to be back. They were only due to arrive tomorrow. Not that they would leave him alone, of course. They had left his and Mary's hands full. Young Donald, all of 3 months old, would be their guardian. He smiled at that. How do you have it in you to leave your child so young for a whole week, he mused. Kids today.
"Smithers, could you see who it is at the door?" "Yes, Sir." The sound of Smithers moving to the front, the door opening and a familiar guffaw passed his ears. He smiled.
"I'm in the dining hall, Dr Cherian." Cherian, when he entered was a walking puddle. The torn umbrella in his hand added to the tragic figure he cut. August couldn't help but smile.
Cherian: I see. You call me out in the middle of the night, telling me to bring the oddest of things,as far as your tastes are concerned, and now you mock me.
August : I'm sorry, Cherian. Forgive me.Smithers,get towels please. I'll wait. And, I assure you, there is something I need to discuss with you. It is of utmost importance.

8.30pm
2006
"I know what you need, Peter. The history of this place is known to everyone here" Johnathan remarked as he dried himself up."Yes, I am surprised that you too have finally succumbed to becoming a believer. As I recall, you were always a skeptic where ghosts were concerned.What..a brandy would be swell, Carruthers.Thank you."
Peter: I dont know how much I believe, to be frank. But I can't deny that something's off with this place.And I remember how everyone used to mention your..well,talents.
Johnathan :Hahaha. Talents. That's a swell term to describe it,I guess.
Peter: Do you really think the ghost of Grandpa August haunts this house ?

8.45pm
1964
Cherian : There is definitely something in this place, August. I feel it too. While I cannot pinpoint this evil till we begin, I am glad that you finally have come around to calling me in on this.
August : I hope I won't be wrong by the end of the night.
Cherian : If there is evil, we shall confront it, August. And we shall rid this house of it before the sun rises.
August and Cherian got up from their chairs.

8.47pm
2006 & 1964
"Very well, then. If you're ready, shall we confront the demon of the house?"

Chasing August - Chapter 1

Chasing August - Chapter 2

Chasing August - Chapter 3

Chasing August - Chapter 4

Chasing August - Chapter 5

CHASING AUGUST - CHAPTER 2

2006-10-23T18:45:00.001+05:30

9.15pm
1964
August looked at the array of items on the table. "I must be honest, Cherian. Seeing all this kind of makes me wonder. How can a Dr like you believe in all this ? You are a man of science."
Cherian: "There is so much that you fail to understand. Science does not stay still..only our understanding of it. I have seen so much over the years not to believe. It is through extensive training alone that I can now do this. Hand me that bag, will you ?"
August looked at the powders, the oils, the beads, the astrological board that filed the table, a feast for a necromancer.
August: Do I even want to know whats in it?"

9.18pm
2006
"It's a Ouija Board, Peter. Forget what you see in movies. Too many misconceptions have turned it into a dating game. The Ouija board is no laughing matter. This ( holding out an arrow shaped marker with a magnifying lens within ) is called a planchette. We hold it together when asking the spirit questions. He will guide us through the alphabets on the board to speak his mind. There, all set. "
Peter: Good. Shall we start ? Carruthers ?

9.22pm
1964
"I am here, Sir." Smithers walked down the stairway. "I made sure that Madam and young Donald were asleep. It wouldn't do, Sir, to have the Madam walk in on this."
August :"Thank you, Smithers. I'd forgotten about Mary in all this.Come, sit with us."
Cherian sat opposite them. A fire,fuelled by wood and bordered by bricks placed in a square separated them . With the beads around his neck and the vibhuti around his chest and forehead, Cherian couldn't have looked less like a Doctor, August thought. Cherian gave them some flowers mixed with the holy ash he'd brought with him, instructing them to throw it into the fire on his cue.

9:26pm
2006
They each placed a palm on the planchette. Peter could hear Johnathan mumbling beneath his breath. "Is there anyone there?""Is there anyone there?"
Peter and Carruthers looked at each other.
"CONCENTRATE!" Johnathan hissed.
But it wasn't his tone that scared the other 2. They all looked down at their hand. The planchette was moving.
Peter: Are you doing this, John?
Johnathan: It isn't me.

9.30pm
1964
Cherian: Something is here. I can feel it. Stronger.I sense it. Oh! What images! Oh God.
Smithers: Perhaps, we should stop this, Sir.
August : No, I must know what it is. What it wants. Cherian, can you tell us what it wants?

9.33pm
2006
They stared at the planchette. Johnathan was using his free hand to write the letters as the planchette stopped intermittently under their palms, before dragging them to its next destination.
It finally came to rest and they felt it slump under them.
Peters:"Well, what did he say?"
Johnathan turned the paper towards them.
GETOUT.

9.50pm
1964
"It doesn't want us here, August. I feel its rage. I feel its presence growing closer. "
Smithers: Sir, perhaps we should..
August : Quiet,Smithers. I must know who this evil is. Why is it in my house ? Cherian, can you find that out?"
Cherian nodded. Then taking another handful of vibhuti, he turned towards the fire which glowed a dark gold.

9.55pm
2006
Johnathan wrote down the letters as they came up across the lens, then sighed. AUGUST.
Peter: Grandpa. So it is him. Can you ask him what he wants?
Johnathan once more held their hands over the planchette and repeated the question. As if on cue, they felt the planchette tingle under them. Then start to move.
"L-E-T-T"
Johnathan stopped. Something had fallen on his palm. Another dark drop fell on the lens obscuring the next alphabet.

10.05pm
1964
August touched the drop that had fallen on his hand. Another droplet fell into the fire,a hissing sound as they merged. August tried but the words wouldnt form.
Cherian : It's..blood.
All 3 men looked up..and gasped.

Chasing August - Chapter 1

Chasing August - Chapter 2

Chasing August - Chapter 3

Chasing August - Chapter 4

Chasing August - Chapter 5

CHASING AUGUST - CHAPTER 3

2006-10-23T18:44:00.002+05:30

10.10pm
2006
Blood had stained the wall above them. It was now trickling down to them after having saturated the wood.
Peter tumbled over as he stood up : "Miranda! Alice !" turned to the others : "They're up there!"
Carruthers : We'll come up too, Sir.
Peter : No. No. Finish this. Find out what my grandfather has to say. I'll get Miranda and Alice."

10.10pm
1964
August ran up the stairs, skipping two for each step. Reaching up, he let out an involuntary cry. The blood stream was emanating from the master bedroom. Where Mary and Donald lay. He could hear Donald crying furiously within. There was no sound of his wife, his calls unheeded.
Cherian called out "What's going on?"
"The door's jammed. Mary's not responding either. I'm gonna break the door down. Finish what you started, Cherian."

10.17pm
2006
Carruthers and Johnathan heard him try his might on the door even as more letters ran across the lens. Johnathan kept adding the letters into the paper. A chill ran up Carruther's spine as the words began to make sense. When the planchette finally stopped at "R",both Johnathan and Carruthers looked at each other.
Carruthers : Oh My..

10.22pm
1964
"..GOD!!!Help me! Damn it!" He felt the door budge. August would look back on this moment as the time when he could have changed fate. Perhaps taken a different path. What ifs.. So many 'WHAT IFs' around. But then time was not an angel of mercy tonight. He raised his foot for the 7th time.

10.22pm
2006
"7th time's a charm" Peter thought as the door burst open. But even as it swung wide, his mind registered the inanimate strangers. The set of knives - he glimpsed the skewers, the butcher knives, the cutting set - released from the bucket that was held up in the air by strings placed to the inner door knob. There was no place to hide in the fraction it took for the knives to fall. He could not escape the path of the knives. IF. IF ONLY. If only they were meant to release back towards the opening door. But these knives were only falling as gravity ordained.

10.22pm
1964
And so, even as the swinging door banged against the wall, August could only watch helplessly as the knives fell down, into the cradle placed below the bucket. The cradle where Donald screamed. Where the sound of metal hit flesh, crunched bone.Where the screams of Donald ended. Was replaced by those of Augusts' as the cradle splattered red.

Chasing August - Chapter 1

Chasing August - Chapter 2

Chasing August - Chapter 3

Chasing August - Chapter 4

Chasing August - Chapter 5

CHASING AUGUST- CHAPTER 4

2006-10-23T18:42:00.001+05:30

10.25PM
2006
Hope is a wondrous thing. It can strengthen armies, conquer love, bring back life. But not for Peters who hoped for a miracle as he ran to the cradle. Tonight, hope was giving no freebies. Tonight, hope wore black.

10.30pm
1964
Forever. A minute. Timeless. A second. Time meant nothing to August as he gazed into the cradle. The scream that came from downstairs would have turned anyones blood to ice. But what of a man who has already been frozen. What becomes of him? The cry for help coming from below seemed miles away. Yet, in a daze, he turned back towards the door.

10.31pm
2006
He heard himself scream. Screaming and telling his eyes not to see. Not to believe. What his eyes were etching into his mind. But if you and I were there beside him, you would verify that from his lips, not a sound appeared.

10.31pm
1964
August took in the shape of his wife. He recognised the wedding ring he'd given her all those years ago at St Marys, the nightdress now stained a dark shade of unnatural crimson ( she would never approve of this untidiness, he reflected ). The gold chain around her neck - the last thing she removed before going to bed. He wished he could gaze into her eyes one more time and tell here everything that he could - every little thing and all the sweet nothings beside. But his wife sat propped up grotesquely on the bed, arms on her lap as if asking him to join her.

10.33pm
2006
He tried to stay conscious, but the effort seemed futile. As he fell and struck the floor and before he travelled to a land within his mind, he got his wish though - he gazed into her eyes. He saw where the first blow had struck her. Repeated blows necessary to rip her head off and place it where it now lay, under the bed.

11.50pm
1964
August awoke to the sound of silence. Under the circumstances, perhaps no other sound was more frightening. He was back downstairs again. In front of the same 4 bricks laid out as a square. The fire was long gone, ashes everywhere. Ony one thing remained constant here. The blood droplets a dead fountain from above.He got up. He had to get help.

11.55pm
2006
Peter tried calling the others. He hoped they were safe. He doubted it. He recalled where he had kept the mobile for charging. The kitchen plug. But when he arrived, it was empty. The mobile wasn't there. The empty knife shelves brought back a flood of memories he could supress no longer. He gagged as the bile rose. I cannot. I must not. I must live. I can't let it..him..August..kill me. There must be somewhere to hide.

12.09am
1964
The creak of the attic door shutting into place was but a whisper in these rains.But,for August, it was too loud. What if it had heard him ? He bolted the door again. Pitch dark. Never mind. He couldn't risk a lantern in here. Couldn't let on where he was.And so, in that darkness,hidden from both good and evil, he began to do the one thing that he had given up long ago - he began to pray.

12.14am
2006
Even in the darkness, something was visible though. Every breath came out a wispy blue exhalation. Silly as it sounded to him, Peter was sure that they were giving away his hiding place. Silly. After all, when his eyes grew accustomed to the darkness and he realised what he was sharing the attic with, his breath would be the last thing on his mind, now, wouldn't it?

12.20am
1964
It was finally the blood wetting his pants that alerted him. He didn't need light to know this familiar warm liquid's touch. This wasn't the rain water pouring in. Even as he lit the lamp once more, he knew, but Oh!! Isn't seeing believing ? For there, propped up in the corner of the attic was his old mates, Smithers and Cherian. Where their heads were was anyone's guess. If there was anything louder than his heart at that moment,anything more frightening than the race of thunders and streaks of lightning in those minutes, it was the fiendish roar as the attic door crashed wide open.

Chasing August - Chapter 1

Chasing August - Chapter 2

Chasing August - Chapter 3

Chasing August - Chapter 4

Chasing August - Chapter 5

CHASING AUGUST - CHAPTER 5

2006-10-23T01:29:00.001+05:30

12.24am
2006
Even as he pushed away the body of Johnathan in a bid to run, he could see through his tear blurred eyes, the apparition enter the attic. Darkness was its cloak in this play and it wore it well. Light. A glint of steel. For some reason, Peter couldn't shake the image of the Grim Reaper from comics. But this was not the time. He turned to run as he glimpsed the blade rise high.

12.27am
1964
August never finished his third step. The blade struck him on the concave arch of his back, severing his spinal cord almost instantly, leaving him paralysed below his waist. "I have to run.I have to hide." he willed his body forward. Ah! But what good the will when the body has long given up. For come now, had he not known his fate the moment he saw his wife ?
He turned to the figure in the darkness.

12.30am
2006
In the fields of futility grow the vines of clarity. Such was the case for Peter too. Even as he turned around, the lightning that surfed the skies gave him a glimpse of his Reaper. A
glimpse he would have loved to erase from his mind.
"Why" he asked. He tried to frame the question, but his voice failed him.
"BECAUSE THIS IS MY HOUSE!!!"

12.32AM
1964
"MY HOUSE!!" repeated Carruthers. August stared at the young boy, the sword in his hands seeming too large. "Alexander.." he called hoping, in vain, to see compassion in the boys eyes. But the trembling movement of his eyes was all that the eyes offered. What had the doctor called it? "During these episodes, he may suffer such trembling besides lack of judgement. These can be extremely frightful. But relax, the nystagmus of his eyes are just a temporary phenomenon. They'll pass as the episode passes. I'm confident with the right medication, this
boy will have no psychiatric deficiencies when he grows up."

12.32am
2006
"I GREW UP HERE!! THIS IS MY HOUSE! YOU CANNOT TAKE MY HOUSE AWAY FROM ME. ALL OF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.ALL YOU WANT IS TO RID YOURSELVES OF THIS PLACE. I WILL NOT LET THAT HAPPEN. NOT WHEN YOUR GRANDFATHER WAS TRYING, NOT WHEN YOUR BROTHER TRIED AND NOT NOW." Carruthers bellowed.
Peters had no answers, no questions, no pleas left as the blade rose again. His last thoughts as he saw the blade descend were but an anti-climatic "Why are his eyes moving around like that?" He would never know.

2006
Saturday
October 8
10.03 am

"Sick bastard!!" spat Inspector Strauss. "There's a history of mental illness in the family." "I know.The grandfather too had done the same thing and then this freak comes along killing his wife and kid and his friend too.
Any sign of him?" Griffith asked. "No, but we'll catch him eventually. He can't go far."

"We found someone!!"

Inspectors Griffith and Strauss turned where they stood. They watched as the man was brought out.He may have been 50 years old, but the terror in his eyes spoke of 70. "Where was he?" "He was hiding in the basement. He looks to be in shock, Sir." Griffith turned to the man. "Sir, can you undertsand me?" The man looked around, his face registering everyone, then turning to Griffith. A nod passed through the shivers.
Yes. "Sir, what happened here?" The man turned and stared at the house. He shivered in the
heat of the morning sun. "He killed them..killed them all. I had to hide..OH GOD!!The cries of those poor people."
"You're safe now. He's gone. Hey, Mc Carthy, get this guy to a hospital. Just follow this man and we'll get you to a safe place, Mr.."
"Carruthers, Sir..I'm the butler."
"Of course. Relax. You're safe now.That monster is gone.
"Indeed he is, sir..indeed he is."

Griffith watched him escorted into the ambulance."Spooky shit, eh?"
Strauss : There's so much I just don't get ? What did he get out of killing everyone like
this ?And what do you make of this paper? They found it in the hallway ."
Griffith examined the blood stained paper." More rantings of a madman, I guess. Save it for
evidence. We'll ask Mr Peters personally when we find him."
Struass stared at the house,then back at the paper. "Just makes no sense, these words."
"GETOUT
AUGUST
LETTHEMLIVEALEXANDER"?
What does that mean?"

Chasing August - Chapter 1

Chasing August - Chapter 2

Chasing August - Chapter 3

Chasing August - Chapter 4

Chasing August - Chapter 5

DON ***

2006-10-22T00:28:00.000+05:30

"Ogres are like onions, donkey.

They have layers." - Shrek

That phrase came to mind as I watched Don (2006). There were so many layers to this movie, it could only have been a script from the 70's. While the break neck pace of the original movie has been brought down to a canter, the glossy hues, the added class and the twists in the tale more than make up for it.

So you still have the Indian police officer who,when he comes across a look alike to the ever elusive drug lord, Don, hatches a plan to replace him and infiltrate the organisation.Till there, we have the same storyline from the original - the twist comes at the interval break and from then on,it' a different ball game.

SRK is no Amitabh..but then he isn't trying to be one either. He does his role with elan, though his portayal of the bumbling Vijay didn't quite have the conviction as you'd expect. Priyanka and Boman Irani are in their element in this movie and deserves the applause they're due. The rest of the stars (Om Puri, Arjun Rampal, Isha Koppikar, Kareena)- well, they do their job. Let's leave it at that.

I wasn't a big fan of the music when it first came out..but now, I'm hooked. The theme music is especially haunting lurking in the background and while the other songs are praise-worthy, minus points for lack of originality are a must.

But perhaps the highest marks go to 2 people..Mohanan for cinematography which is absolutely jaw dropping in some sequences and Farhan Akthar for a 3rd straight 'darn good movie.' Definitely worth a watch for any of the above-mentioned reasons.

Review: Snakes on a Plane

2006-10-03T13:55:00.000+05:30

SNAKES ON A PLANE ***

Ok. Is this film gonna win the Oscars like it's star, Samuel L Jackson, promised us at a recent awards ceremony. Not even close. But then, it was never meant to be an Oscar contender, was it. This is, without doubt, the best B-grade reptile movie I've seen in a long long time. There is no attempt to slow the pace down to build a human connection with the characters ( which worked fatally in THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW ). Here, it's all about the next thrill session. Samuel Jackson is an FBI agent escorting a witness to a murder from Hawai to LA. What he doesn't realise is that the crime boss who cannot afford to let this witness take the stand has a very ingenious scheme to prevent his arrival at LA. What ? Hmmm... ( HINT: Read the title )

With so many slithering reptiles around in all their sizes and colours ( and nationalities ? ), this was always full of promise for a fun ride for the viewers. And it delivers. You have thrill after thrill as the snakes keep finding ways to reach the passengers and deliver their 'sweet kisses'. Some may find some scenes a bit gross.. but that's expected. It isn't for nothing it's been given a R-rating. Definitely worth a watch, especially when you consider THE HISTORY behind this much anticipated movie.

Click **

2006-09-13T12:15:00.000+05:30

by pythoroshan

Forget the scathing reviews. Forget that it's Adam Sandler at the helm. Forget that the idiots portrayed it as a comedy. Go in expecting a serious movie with some laughs.ONLY THEN YOU'LL ENJOY the directors perspective. Seeing the trailors, I kind of had a premonition this wouldn't be so much a fun movie as it would be a lesson on life. Maybe that's why I enjoyed it. Frustrated with how he's getting pushed around, Adam Sandler goes hunting for a all purpose remote for his house ( TV, VCR, Music player ) and gets more than he bargained for when he's given a remote that literally allows him to "DVD MENU" his life..fast forwarding the boring/needless events ( family dinners, shoers,umm..foreplay?, sickness ). But what happens when the remote starts recording his preferences and forwarding the next time it arrives.

by pythoroshan
Suddenly, a gift from the Gods becomes his own hell - as he watches his life pass by with the remote deciding which events to bypass, Adam is left wondering - should we always be keeping our eyes glued to the future, ignoring those around us while they're there ? Hard as it is t say, this is as close as "Adam Sandler" and " important lesson in life" will get. Worth a watch. Besides, Kate Beckinsale is there. That's half the ticket money right back at ya!!

Lage Raho Munnabhai *****

2006-09-13T12:06:00.000+05:30

by pythoroshan

I had a lot of hopes for Krishh. That's till I saw the trailors. That kind of reaffirmed my LACK of faith in Bollywood sequels. And then along came Lage Raho Munnabhai. If you have to watch just one movie this month, let it be LRM. This is message meeting comical timing at a small town pub and beautifying the surroundings with their chemistry. Sanjay Dutt & Arshad Warsi return as Munna and Circuit, local goons.

by pythoroshan
Munna, in his quest to impress Radio Jockey Jhanvi ,( the amazing Vidya Balan ) tries to learn as much GANDHI as he can after being mistken for a history professor.. and finds himself coming face to face with DA MAAN, Baapu himself. Taking such a tricky concept ( historical characters in cinema? Oh oh ) and making it work is no easy feat. But this team does it stylishly..there's more depth in all aspects - fun, heart felt moments, message. This is a winner from start to finish. I loved the way Gandhi is portrayed especially - "Bandhe mein tha dum, Vande MAtaram". Indeed. If Rang De basanti energised the youth this year, this movie will do more for the fading name of MK Gandhi than any history book can..it'll make people want to know more about this character. And that can only end well.
Performances ? Well, who do you single out ? Arshad Warsi is at the peak of his career - he may get better roles in the year to come, but he will alwas be remembered for his portrayal as Circuit.

by pythoroshan
Vidya Balan actually outdoes Gracy Singh from the first part..but then, she is the future of this industry..have no doubt about it. She is the refreshing breeze that Bollywood has been awaiting.
Sanjay Dutt - I hope he survives the court cases, because it would be too ironical to be hauled to jail for terrorist involvements after being the Heartfelt voice of Gandhi. He too is probably at the peak of his career. Hope it isn't freefall from here.
Boman Irani, Jimi Shergill, Dia Mirza - old Vidhu Vinod Chopra favourites are back and all do their role well to ensure there really is no weak link.
Scene of the movie :
I can't point out any one scene - Just go watch it and see for yourself.

Broken Roads - a new ending

2006-08-09T11:28:00.002+05:30

This is a story unlike many you will read. It is not a feel-good story, there are no twists, no happy endings. There is a man, but there is no hero. There is a heart, but no love. There is a God, but no miracles. This story is based on simple truths, yet built on wicked lies. This is , in the end,a fictional tale. Because the truth often is stranger than fiction.

August - 11:50 pm
The lie was over for another day. His mask removed, he could again settle down for another night, awaiting the darkness to embrace him. Perhaps today would finally be the night..sleep would come rapidly.Perhaps there would not be enough time for the thoughts to come..for the inner darkness to envelope that of the outside. He knew better. As they unleashed themselves on him again, he once more let the tune play in his mind. The never ending tune.

6 months back - Valentine's day
He sat back. Watched the clock strike midnight. Valentine's had come and gone. He was still in disbelief. He looked across once more at the other side of the bed. His newly-wed wife was not there. She had not been there since the last 3 weeks. She was in town, he knew, yet she had not even bothered to spend the day with him, preferring her parents with whom she had stayed the last 3 weeks.. an sms demanding a rose. That was her acknowledgement that today must have been a day for love, for couples. He stared at the package under the bed, visible in the mirror - mentally pictured the necklace he'd saved up for since the day he knew he'd be marrying this girl. The plans he'd made for her first Valentine's with him.
A week later
He tried to think straight. Nothing was making sense. He had heard the words from her mouth but couldn't understand what the phrases meant. He replayed it again in his mind. He had confronted her finally when she came home. Wondered aloud why the girl for whom he's given up his freedom, even when a shotgun wedding was demanded was being so aloof. Why she had preferred to spend Christmas, New Years, his birthday, his parents anniversary and now Valentine's away from him? Why did she not see the pain she was causing to all at home ? "Valentine's? But I don't love you. I never have !" 3 days on He listened numb. The words were flowing rapidly towards him. They were making sense. How he wished they weren't. After 3 days of tensions simmering over, she finally came to confess. He wished it had been a confession of momentary anger. It wasn't. It was of a betrayal that seemed so ridiculous, it could only be true. Of how she had never loved him, but knew he could adjust to anyone, something she needed since she never trusted people. How her family knew and hence pushed for an early wedding to avoid the truth coming out. How she "expected to fall in love" with him over the next 2-3 years. How he'd just have to adjust till then. That was his USP, after all, wasn't it?
April -
He sat opposite his best friend. Their best friend. The first person he had told since this had all began.

"So she never changed even after that? Even after that day she admitted to you what she'd done?" "Why the hell did you put up with it?" "Are you mad?" "So now she's gone abroad to her family for a vacation? She's been having a vacation for so long. Only you would be stupid enough to let her carry on even after that. What are you gonna do now ? Have you decided that ?"
" I'm gonna ask her to do whatever she wants. Blast them properly. Her parents knew. That's why they rushed into it. They must be really ashamed right now!"
"They better be, pal.."
I'll try reasoning with her. She can't be so stupid, ya. I just find it so hard to believe she'd do something like this. Sure, not many were comfortable with you marrying her, but come on, the two of us know her best in this college. I'll mail her. Let's see."

2 days later -
"Ummm.. I mailed her. The reply was kinda weird."
"What did she say?"
"She told me she'll never be keeping in touch with me ever again"
"WHAT?!! What did you mail her ?"
"Nothing man..I just spoke of adjustment..of the value of commitment. Of learning to live a new life and leaving her family. Seriously, what is wrong with her?"
"It's the mom..I know it. Her word is gold in that family. Whatever she says becomes the truth automatically, facts be damned. I spoke to her via messenger..the same girl who categorically denied loving me was suddenly full of "I love yous" continuously..full of "oops, by mistake i forgot to mention that i love you in the heat of the moment" statements. She stopped once i told her she'd been coached."
"What're you gonna do..."
"I still have to tell my parents of my decision..."

May,week 2 -
After awhile, surprises lose their glow. Being numbed by shocks tend to do that. He should have been surprised, but it didnt matter. His parents, whom he expected to kick him out for actually doing something like this, were actually supportive. They too had felt the pain of being rejected by their first daughter of the house, wondered why the girl never spent any time with them, why they only saw her at meals. Now they knew why...
"Let's see what happens when she comes back. We'll talk to her."
"No, they'll say we're harassing her then. Leave it."
"Her parents informed us that she's found a workplace away from here where she'll work." "When was I, the husband, supposed to be informed ??"
"They said they tried calling you.."
"They never did.."

May, week 3 -
"Son,Her mom called. Begged us not to tell people. Said she'd come in July and work things out." "So till then ?"
"Till then, don't tell your friends."

June, week 4 -
He sat in the train, willing it to go faster. The cacophony around him was just a silent buzz. He needed to get home. His mother's voice on the phone came back to him.
"Something's wrong with your father. Come down now."
"What happened?"
"He came home after going out. He couldn't recognise us. He kept crying for your wife and mother in law. He kept crying of being cheated and finally fell unconscious. He woke up again. But he's not replying to anything."
"Did you take him to the hospital?"
"No, the vaidyar is coming to see him now"
"Take him to the DAMN hospital..forget the vaidyar!!"
"You come quickly.."
The ride home would be the longest few hours he'd ever taken. He had heard calls like this before. People cushioning the blow that someone had passed away. Requesting them to come home cause smeone was sick. He had had to do it himself for a friend once before. Memories flooded in. Could it be too late? Was it already too late? "Damn it, I will not cry...I will not cry...I will not cry..."

His father was alive. This was not to be the final call. Since falling asleep again, he had recovered some memory..enough to tel them he'd been to the in laws relatives house. Calling them up had helped fill in the spaces. "They had told him that they figured there was a trap for your son early on. Because they too knew the manipulations of the mother too well from experience. They couldn't tell us because they were only knowing us by relation. The shock of finally confronting the truth got to your dad. They told he seemed lost while leaving their house itself. He couldn't remember what he was talking about and just wanted to reach home. They offered to drive him home but you know your dad. He never seeks help. How he drove home noone knew. How he even recognised this house is a miracle."
He entered the room. His father lay there asleep. As he watched, a single tear fell from his father's eye. He finally broke down and cried that day.

2 days later -
His father sat across him on the verandah. Both knew this would be a long conversation. New stories had come up in the last 48 hours.
"Son, what do you know of black magic ?"
"I make fun of it. I know some people believe in it but I don't."
"Do you know of anyone who practises it ?"
Both looked at each other. Suddenly, the son knew what was coming. "Oh No!"

His mind wandered back to an incident in January when his wife, sister in law and their mom had rushed into the house excited. All had begun jabbering athe same time. It had taken awhile to calm them down and then listen to them. They were excited because they'd finally been able to solve the other sister's marital problems. "But we were sure it was heading for divorce. You yourselves had said that."
"Ha ha!! But that was before we used a tantrik. He gave us a powder which we added in his drink. That fellow who was shouting at us on the spot became like a dog!! You should see him. Now he's so quiet and timid. Ha ah ha.. now we can continue this marriage in peace knowing fully well he wont get into a single fight with my daughter"

He looked at his dad."I want you to come with us to see someone , son. He will be able to check and see if the same was done to you."

July, week 1-

"So what did the witch doctor find?" his friend asked over the phone.

"As expected, he said there was something in my tummy. That it had been put by my mother-in-law though he didn't even know who I was. I dont know what to believe, man. A part of me prefers not to believe in this..to think it was rather my stupidity that got us into this mess rather than that such evil exists.That everything I believed in was a lie"

"Wake up, man. Everything was a lie. Accept it. Be strong. Your parents need you as much as you need them. Let's see what happens when her mom comes.When is she due?"

"I dont know. She never called after that day when she begged us not to tell anyone. That was 2 months ago."

July, week 3-

Home seemed such a travesty of a word. He sat there. He had arrived when the news came, but he was too late. The mother-in-law and sister-in-law had come as a surprise, knowing he was out of town, knowing his dad was sick. They had played their check mate - They had taken away the girl from the husband, just as they had taken the child away from the first son in law..he had 3 years to repent and come begging. They threatened they would be going public now..tell the public how bad a son in law he was and how lucky he was to get a girl as sweet as their daughter. That he had not told the public this because he feared his brother would get no proposals . How they could make the girl say anything they wanted so the son better fall and beg for forgiveness or else they would make him a laughing stock in society. They had reminded his father of how they had spread stories of incest when the first son in law didnt dance to their tune. It need not be ruled out again. After all, wasn't the wife's word golden in any house?

"How dare they!!" He screamed finally at his mother. " We shut up for their sake..at their insistence. We could have thrown that girl out so long ago. Instead even after all this, we let her into the house. And now they're coming and blackmailing us just as they did with the first son in law"

"Calm down!!"

"What calm down! Let's tell the world the truth! Let the "

"No.."

"whole world know she's blackmailing us. That she did black magic to her son in laws.That she"

"SHUT UP!!"

He stopped. His mother looked at him, eyes afire.

"You got us into this. Who asked you to believe such a girl? We were all going along fine. You fought for them when they asked for hurried marriage. You nearly lost me my husband, your father!! And now, you want to tell the world!! What can you tell them? What proof do you have? That they did black magic? That they black mailed us? That the marriage was a love marriage? Is it written in any marriage certificate that this is a love marriage? Tell me? "

"But we..we cant let this happen..we did nothing wrong. There must be a way."

"Some stories CAN NEVER BE TOLD. Accept that. We dont have proof. We have nothing." Its upto you..If you dont beg, you risk ruining this family. Your brother's life. Our name."

"What should I do?"

"What you always have..follow your heart..stand for what you believe in. The name you make from now on..Let that be yours. Consider that you have reached zero again. Think of the worst they can say and prepare for it. Everyone talks of how you face troubles head on. Let this be your biggest challenge. Le them do your worst. As long as you friends and family are with you, dont let society bring you down. They may have the God men and the influence.. show them that isn't enough to break you down. We have lived our lives. If it meant that we die isgraced by them for no fault, so be it. God will punish the guilty someday. "

Present Day - 8 am

The phone rang. He looked at the time. It was the start of another day. The darkness outside had passed just as the tunes within had finished. It was another day. He picked up the phone. The call was from home again. It was his mother.

"It has begun. They have started the insults..accept it. Take each day as it comes now."

"I will."

"We will always be there for you." Click.

He looked accusingly at the idol of the Lord Of Prosperity that sat at his table.

"So this is what doing good results in? This is what prayers are for? So that we can be cheated when we do our best. What kind of a God allows such pain to happen. You know I did my best. And now look at me. Because I dont have influence like them, because I dont have the backing of a God man like them, I must be ruined. What kind of God are you?"
The idol sat silently, condemning him without a single word to his own guilt. He showered, dressed and left. The mask of happiness had to be worn again for the outside world..the sleepless night ? Oh, just another hard working oil burning session of work. As he left the room, he muttered a prayer to the same Lord " Oh Lord!! Let today not be the day I crumble..let today not be the day I crumble.. let today not be the day I crumble.."

The door slammed shut and the idol could hear no more what the man had to say.

Epilogue :

The idol stirred with the winds that lashed at it from the open windows. The raindrops poured on it,cascading it. To anyone looking it would appear the idol was crying. But more than a tear, the droplets adorning it seemed to give an altogether new hue to the idol..it almost looked as if the idol was actually smiling, a wicked smirk.

At his friends house, as he read , the words his mother told him flashed back at him -" Some stories can never be told" Was that really true, he wondered? Wasn't there always a way...

THE FINAL EPISODE

Thus it would come to be in time that the truth would be revealed.. of how mother and daughter knew long before they chose the unwitting fool that they needed to end the wedding fast as per the horoscope and get married a second time by the end of the second year for prosperity to reign. Endorsed by a living God , the plan would reach fruition successfully. It would unfold too late that she had revealed her plan to a batchmate long ago, that her relatives who attended the wedding all knew of the family's motives. It would reach a point where while the man wondered if a reconciliation was possible, his wife had already found her next suitor - a truer devotee of the same Living God who had married them less than a year back, finding no contradiction in giving her divine blessings twice in marriage to the same girl, even while the girl's own father doubted the morality of it. After all, a truer devotee would abide by her rules, wouldn't he - allowing her to be judge, jury and executioner unlike the blasphemous youth who turned his back on her divinity ?

Thus, it would reach a situation where while the fool awaited his last days as a husband a year after he last spoke to his wife, in the house he once graced, wedding celebrations were already set for the wedding to be held in the same week as the divorce.and he would be left with ample time to wonder - if love ever existed in her heart, of how much a God's words can influence your decisions and marriage , of how you can plan to destroy your own wedding to fulfil a prophecy - of the power of a GOD to influence lives and treacheries.