"O God and Heavenly Father,Grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed; the courage to change that which can be changed, and the wisdom to know the one from the other."- The Serenity Prayer
When I was a kid, I used to get ill a lot. I had a lot of respiratory infections and must have been a real burden to my parents. My God never stopped caring though. He ensured I was always given the best hospital’s tender loving care.
When I was a kid, God showed me the miracle of driving a car without touching the steering wheel. Years later, I realised that the car accelerated because of those funny ‘leg cushions’ below the steering wheel.
As a kid, I learnt from God the joys of watching musclemen fake their way in a sport called wrestling. 2 decades later, I no longer watch the game, but I keep up with what’s going on so that I can enjoy listening to God’s view on who’s been ‘naughty and nice’ in the ring.
As a kid, I went to the best schools, had the best education and all the comforts. God ensured I had all this so that his children wouldn’t suffer like he did.
As a kid, I demanded Kinder and Galaxy chocolates, new clothes every other month and endless He-man comics. God never said no, no matter how thin his wallet was.
As I kid, I watched God be generous beyond his means, giving shelter to homeless immigrants till they found a place to live and never take anything in return. In return they abandoned him once their needs were fulfilled. It broke his heart over and over but he carried on.
As a kid, I watched him play pranks on his friends and thus learnt the fine art myself... one of the few traits I’m proud to say I can match him at.
When the time came, like in his own case, God directed me to leave the place where I was comfortable... the only place I’d ever called home. I questioned the need for it in my heart, but eventually relented. Years later, I see the wisdom in his actions. If my initial home, Dubai, gave me my moral values and nature, my new home ( a country I’d seen more in a geography textbook than in real life ) made me who I am today.
As I grew up, I turned away from my God, my own self serving needs better served elsewhere in the company of friends and peers. Still, whenever our paths crossed, he never wavered from showing his love the way he does best – in actions rather than words.
There was no open declaration of undying love – just a glass of banana milk shake painstakingly made at 6 am before he left for work or his own great chicken biryani which he slaved over after coming home for his lunch break while I lay on the couch watching TV endlessly.
As I grew up, he guided me to my destiny, opening all the doors for me as I joined medical school. Never once was I found wanting for cash in those lavish teenage years. As the son ate at 3 star hotels with friends, God sat alone or with his spouse eating carrots and leftovers.
As I grew up, I erred in judgement. I chose the wrong crowd and forced my will upon God. I forced a life altering decision upon him. He agreed to my demands... in 2 seconds. He was happy that I was happy. Nothing else mattered.
When my decision backfired and all hell broke loose, he carried on despite his own weakened heart, carrying me as I fell again and again till finally I was safe again. Never once did he point an accusing finger in my direction for the flames that singed us all.
Today, 9 years after I joined the field of medicine, I’m still dependent on him for my needs. I still need his moral support to carry me through when the going gets tough.
I still need to remember how he didn’t let being an orphan affect him – how he controlled his destiny and saved so many people’s lives. How he succeeded against all odds and yet took no pleasures in his golden years, sacrificing it all for his children.
God, I want you to know I haven’t forgotten. I still carry the memories. Of the trips to the zoo ( and the tiger that aimed and pissed at us ), of the shawarma dinners ( that I thought was a national dish ) that have carried over from Dubai to Kannur over these 2 decades. Of the time you sent a poor soul who’d asked where to deliver an A/C to a major 5 star hotel when he rang up our number by mistake. Of the endless times you listened to us kids talk rot without being condescending or forcing your will upon us. Of the time you shielded me from the fact that my dog passed away on my birthday. I still remember the advice you’ve given me as I joined high school, then college and finally my post graduate studies.
People who know me well say a lot about how I’m a do-gooder, a prankster, a kind soul doomed to be fooled repeatedly, a person who makes those around him happy even when he’s suffering.
I tell them the truth – that I may have gotten my mother’s looks, but knowingly or unknowingly, I've inherited my God’s personality.
I wish there was more I could do to make up for the time we’ve lost or make your life more comfortable.
God willing, someday, I will.
But till then, I just want to say,
I Love you, Dad.
And Happy Birthday too.
