You have the biggest stars. 3.45. You've got a great theme. You have some lovely music that just dances in your head even after the trailor is gone. 3.45. You have a director who made a tragedy movie like Kal ho Na Ho looks so cool.

So why did you shoot yourself in the foot, Mr Nikhil Advani ?You had it all. Everything suggested this was gonna be a superb story. 3.45. So why was I left praying for it to end midway through the second half ?

Truth be told, I'm being harsh. For any other average director, I'd perhaps applaud, but well, you raised the bar the first time around and I had a lot of expectations. 6 great themes and an original concept by Bollywood standards. 3.45. But before we continue, lets evaluate the stories individually, shall we ?

1. An actress wannabe creates a fake story of a boyfriend to get media attention and get int the public eye. She doesn't bank on a guy actually coming along to fill the role. A deal is struck to help her attain her goal - get enough attention so that Karan Johar will sign her up. But was 'falling in love' part of that deal ? Salman doesn't really act anymore, does he ? He just plays the cool dude part. And well, it suits him, so I'm not complaining. Priyanka looks gorgeous ( see Krisshh for other end of the spectrum ). As for her acting, well, she's as competent as Salman.

2. What would you do if the one you love gets into an accident and forgets ... who you are ??? Personally, its a scary thought and Vidya Balan plays it well. I liked the concept and the main dialogue / solution that John Abraham has.. but honestly, something was missing in this story. The huge gaps before the story arrives again in the narrative didn't help much either.

3. Ayesha Takia has her own problem, of course. She finds out that the guy she loves and is supposed to marry is scared of commitment and is trying to break the marriage. Akshaye Khanna as the manic commit-o-phobe is hilarious, while Ayesha is just such a sweetie pie to look at. Their story was a major bright spot in this movie.

4. The theme of a man bored in his marriage, trying to get out a midlife crisis by dating a younger woman. Well, for me, this was the Death eater of Azkaban. It's sombre tones took the mood away for a large period of time. Which is sad because the principal characters, Anil and especially Juhi give knockout performances. The hottie young girl ( Anjana Sukhani ) is.. well, drooooooooooool. Somewhere, somehow the equation adds up to a minus.

5. A cab driver keeps praying for the girl of his dreams to walk into his taxi. But when she does, she's a foreigner ( Shannon Esra ) who's hunting for Indian boyfriend. Let me tel you from the start - i had no expectations from this story. A comeback Govinda doesn't exactly get me jumpin' with joy. That said I was wrong. For me, this taxi carried the movie. Govind ais absolutely adorable as Raju and his moments with Stephanie (Step-nee ) are hilarious. The girl too is so sweet and natural an actor, its uncanny. I'm sorry guys, but this was my fav story of the 6.

6. A newly wed couple who just can't seem to get the privacy they want to conjugate. Amazingly enough, though their scenes are few, I wouldn't kick out this story. Sohail Khan is actually hilarious in his antics while Isha has no role whatsoever except to lie down...hmmm. Not a bad role actually, now that I think about it.

Initially, you will feel the transitions from one story to another are quite clever. But later, it all starts to slacken - the pace, the effort, everything. Rather than the quick turn to the next story, huge chunks of time are devoted to each segment before slowly moving to the next. As a result, you're not really allowed to feel much for some characters. I guess, the main sufferers are the serious stories of John and Anil. Because you can't connect with their trials and pain, while the comedians just need the small segments to establish themselves, which they all do.

The songs are lovely. I enjoyed them and now even the ones I wasn't an initial fan to are catching on in my head. But it doesn't mask the biggest flaw - 3.45

3.45 - That's how long it took from the moment I sat down till the moment the final credits rolled. That is where the movie committed suicide - the length. You can't help but feel bored as the second half clunks along to it's expected ending. The fact that you know what's gonna happen ensures you're just twiddling your thumbs for a good hour after the popcorn break. And that's sad. Because the final impression you leave with is one of disappointment and dare I say it, a yawn ?

Good effort, just a little bit carried away, Mr Advani. Better luck next time.

This is what greets my ears as I leave the hall. I admit I strayed into it totally out of boredom, while waiting for my train. I had no expectations again from this one. And again, for the second time in less than 30 days ( Happy Feet ) I'm proven wrong.

Guru tells you the story of a dreamer working abroad, villager Gurukant Desai ( Abhishek Bachchan ) who gives up his job in Turkey ( the Gulf ... oooh Maya maya) to pursue his own dreams of fame and fortune. He is not averse to marrying for money, coercion and the odd underhanded deals. And that is where I respect the movie the most. The Gray. A color rarely portrayed in Bollywood for heroes. Guru is no hero.. neither is he a villian. But he does bend the law when it suits his needs. The movie chronicles his growing years as he goes from unknown villager to news headlines, through hospitals and courtroom dates.

Aishwarya as his wife, is finally getting it - the art of acting naturally. She does a commendable job here when it mattered most, the ever supportive wife always beside her husband through his good times and bad.

Mithun Chakraborty.. where did Mani Ratnam pick him from ? Either way, it was inspired casting. The once mentor-turned-foe of Guru has a pretty tough role to hold, and he does it with class. Here too, the relationship between them is so unnatually natural - the admiration and respect for each other is evident, even when their views of the world differ.

Madhavan as the journalist taking on Guru in the press is a well etched role till the end, I felt, when they've just made him disappear, a tad abruptly.

Vidya Balan, as Guru's friend during his early struggling days, is left wheel chair bound with MS and finds, when she needs it most, solace with Madhavan. That too, is a story, a bit poorly etched, I felt.

And finally Big B. No, that's no error. He's ready to hold the crown of "Big" Bachchan. After the sad role he had in Dhoom 2 and the snooze fest Umrao Jaan, here he shines and how !! It isn't just the ageing, or the extra weight he added for the role. It isn't the sweet moments he has with Ash which bring a sigh to your lips or the arrogance of the character. It's the maturity he brings to the role ( I can't imagine any of the 3 Khans doing this one ). At times, when his back is turned to the screen as he speaks, I swear, you can almost hear his dad in the voice. And that is no mean feat. Kudos to Mani Rathnam.. that's it. Show 'em how to make movies.

Request : Please, Mr Priyadarshan. Stop. Enough. You're taking old films and remaking them. That's ok. I have no complaints with that. But you're destroying them. And torturing us while you're at it. Bhagam Bhag is a sad attempt at.. I don't know what ? Humor ? Murder mystery ? Reviving Govinda's career ? Whatever it is, it fails on all counts.

So we have Govinda and Akshay Kumar as part of a stage troupe who are sent to London ( ?? ) to perform dances, but end up having to find a new heroine after annoying their previous one. Some silly misunderstandings later and Akshay finds the suicidal Lara Dutta walking down London in a white sari, no less, and gets her to be their heroine in the skit/dance/whatever. Another bang on her head and she regains her ( lost ?) consciousness, revealing she's married to a business man ( Arbaaz Khan ). Hubby and wife walk away. leaving a disillusioned troupe with no heroine. And then they get a call from her that night - a plea for help from her suicidal self. And come to her house to witness her burnt to death. What happens next from drug smugglers to Indian cops in London to taxi drivers on hire to another dead body to Lara's ghostly reappearance to....AAAAH !!!

There is so much potential, yet it is so wasted. I have no commendable words for anyone here.. it isn't worth the effort. But I will sound a warning to comedy directors - the next one who ends the movie with more than 8 main characters chasing each other will personally be lynched by me and my 'bunch of comedians'. And that ain't no laughing matter. Be warned.

Why was I so reluctant to go watch this movie ? Let's see ? A whole bunch of black and white penguins in a white ice land world ? And the main theme seems to be one of them knows tap dancing ? Not exactly a crowd puller for me.. But then again, that's where animated movies always catch me off guard. More than a decade ago, I was similarly reluctant to go for an animated movie cause I thought the original fable was so boring, how could it be worth watching in cartoon format ? I hadn't reckoned on Robin Williams as the amazing genie in that lovely movie, ALADDIN.

Circa 2006 and the story repeats.

In Antarctica, the Emperor Penguins each find their soul mates via song. Mumble, thus, is a misfit as his lack of vocal skills does not make up for his amazing tap dancing moves. The elders, looking for an excuse to blame for the lack of fish, point an accusing wing at him. Rejected by his own, Mumble goes out to seek the truth. He will not be alone though, as he will soon join a group of Adelie penguins, led by Ramon. Their aim - to find the aliens responsible for the lack of fish in the vicinity. And maybe, just rid the elders of the fear of being different.

The first thing that will strike you - The graphics. A-W-E-S-O-M-E. There is no lesser word for it. I had earlier been critical of Ice Age 2's graphics and icy hill sequences. See this movie and you will realise why. The sheer beauty of the sequences at times will astound you. Another thing that kept nagging away at the back of my head - is this really a movie for kids ? I mean, there are so many tributes to songs of the 80s, 70s and even 60s, the theme shifts very suddenly towards the end from joy to anguish while making a very relevant point, no doubt.. and I doubt if kids really will get most of the jokes.. then again, it's today's kids, so who knows ??

The most important question - will you go out smiling ? You better believe it. Because between Ramon and co's antics, Guru LoveLace, Mumble's tap dancing and all the songs, you just can't help but feel good when you leave the theatre.

I wondered how a star cast of Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman, Elijah Wood, Brittany Murphy, Robin Williams and Hugo Weaving could be roped in to play penguins. Now I know.